Michelle Khare Goes to Etiquette School: Handshakes, Posture Harnesses, and Seven-Second Soup Drips
Michelle Khare
In this episode of Challenge Accepted, Michelle Khare sets out to answer one question: are etiquette and manners still relevant today? To find out, she brings friends Kelsey Impicciche and Chris Villain to a lesson with Lisa Gaché, founder and CEO of Beverly Hills Manners. Unknown to the three students, Lisa is scoring them throughout the session, and she admits to the camera that she "might have set a few small traps." The lesson covers greetings, posture, the origin of the word "etiquette," table settings, dining technique, and toasting. Throughout, Lisa keeps returning to the idea that manners exist to put other people at ease.
A Failure Before the Introductions
The lesson goes wrong almost immediately. Before anyone has introduced themselves to Lisa, Michelle is asked whether she wants her dress zipped all the way up in the back. Michelle concludes that she has "already failed etiquette school." Lisa brings this moment up again at the end, during grading.
The Handshake: Web to Web, Two Proper Pumps
Lisa begins with handshaking. She describes the mechanics: the right hand moves from the elbow down, and the two hands meet at "the web," the area between thumb and forefinger, so the contact is web to web.
She also gives a rule about who initiates. Men are supposed to wait for the woman to offer her hand first, and Lisa's reason is that men should not assume women want any physical contact. If the woman does not initiate, the man simply nods. Michelle says she likes that.
Lisa then asks how many pumps make the "perfect Goldilocks" handshake. The students guess three and two. Lisa confirms two, but the first attempt draws her criticism: "those are very weak pumps." She asks for two proper pumps followed by a release. Kelsey and Chris then practice on each other, and the result gets an approving "beautiful."
First Impressions Begin With "P"
Michelle frames etiquette as something familiar from pop culture. She points to makeover stories like The Princess Diaries, Miss Congeniality, and even The Aristocats, which take a woman "from zero to hero." She calls etiquette an important part of history and society that also feels "incredibly untouchable."
Lisa says people form opinions about us within the first seven seconds of meeting us. According to her, they are not focused on clothes or hair. They notice qualities beginning with the letter P: poise, politeness, and posture.
Sitting Up Straight: Chairs, Ankles, and Knees
The group sits down so Lisa can assess their posture. She says there should be "no spreading of any kind," including manspreading, and no contact with the back of the chair. For Chris, she recommends keeping the feet parallel with the hands on the knees.
Lisa explains the difference she sees. Sitting forward this way makes someone look present, interested, and excited to be there. Leaning back sends a message closer to "entertain me" or "I'm not so sure I want to be here."
She then cites the Duchess of Sussex and the Queen of England as examples of perfect posture held for long periods. The students tie bands around their knees and ankles to keep their legs together. Lisa teaches the crossed-ankle position she associates with female politicians: turn slightly to the side, keep the heels flat on the floor, and cross one ankle behind the other.
The knee cross proves much harder. Lisa describes it as "a lift and a squeeze." The top foot is pointed and touches the foot on the floor, and the top thigh is lifted so it does not rest on the other leg. Michelle discovers she is holding up her own legs, and there is "literally like a space" between her thigh and her other leg. Lisa adds more instructions: point the toe down, suck it all in, chin up, and smile with your eyes.
Not Male or Female, Just Courteous
Lisa adds a caveat to the gendered handshake rule and the ladylike posture lessons. She says none of these behaviors needs to be seen as male-specific or female-specific. Her example is holding a door. If you notice someone behind you, you hold it open because that is courteous, whoever you are. In her view, these behaviors are done for others and should come naturally "regardless of what you look like and how you identify."
Where the Word "Etiquette" Comes From
Before moving to dining, Lisa tells an origin story. She says Louis XIV in 18th-century France threw lavish parties and invited the townspeople. Instead of walking on the paths, guests walked on the lawn and sometimes stomped on flowers, which upset the king. His gardener suggested putting up small signs asking people to stay on the path. According to Lisa, "etiquette" came to mean these little signs or guidelines that help people know how to behave in any situation.
The Place Setting and a Father's Humiliation
At the table, Lisa promises to teach "once and for all" where the bread plate and glasses go. Kelsey already knows the trick and explains why. Kelsey's father grew up in a rural town. At his first big business dinner, he reached for the bread plate on his right. The other men noticed and switched their own plates to match, and he was humiliated that everyone had to change plates because of him.
Afterward, he drilled a trick into Kelsey's mind. Hold up both hands with thumbs and forefingers forming circles. The left hand makes a "b," for bread plate. The right hand makes a "d," for drinks.
Lisa reads the story differently. She calls the men's response correct and says it shows the number one rule of etiquette: if you know the rules, you never shame someone who doesn't. The men switched plates so the newcomer would feel good. "Manners are designed to help put other people at ease," she says.
Passing, Pouring, and Declining
Next comes passing. Kelsey is asked to pass the bread, and Lisa explains that food is passed to the right. The person holding the bread first offers it to the person on their immediate left, and then it travels around the table to the right.
Lisa then raises the stakes. The group is eating off her wedding china and wedding crystal, which she calls valuable and meaningful, and she warns, "you break it, you buy it." Michelle says everything was fine until she learned it was wedding china.
When the white wine comes out, Chris mentions not drinking at all and asks what to do. Lisa's answer: say "no thank you" and pass the bottle along. Chris gets sparkling cider in its place. Michelle pours herself what is jokingly called "a club pour," and Lisa asks her to pull back to a more sensible amount.
Soup: The Pinky Raise and the Seven-Second Drip
For the soup course, Lisa brings out a spoon she found at an estate sale. She says the spoon rests balanced on the middle finger. This is where a slight pinky raise may come in, and she says it is purely for balance, "not for affectation."
The technique is to tilt the spoon and scoop away from yourself, fill it about three-quarters full, and sip from the side of the spoon. Lisa adds a claim about timing: if you are worried about a drip, you have seven seconds before it falls. The group times itself. One student's drip falls around the five-second mark, and Michelle finishes what she calls a "photo finish."
During the soup course, Lisa notices Kelsey yawning. She says you don't need to bring your hands to your face for a nose-blow or a yawn, because you have what she calls a "blast shield": the napkin, wrapped underneath with the hands. The others joke that the name sounds very sci-fi.
The Entree Under Restraint
For the entree, Lisa says she will "turn up the heat." The students put on a strap system that runs under the armpits to keep their bodies upright, and Michelle says it feels like a harness. Lisa connects it to a similar scene in The Princess Diaries. She also gives each student objects to hold in their armpits so their elbows stay at their sides. "No wings should be flopping," she says.
She compares the goal to Downton Abbey, where diners sit stick-straight and move discreetly instead of "shoveling it in" the way many people do over the kitchen sink. Actually eating under these constraints turns out to be very hard. Michelle asks whether this is Squid Game and describes tension in her lats and back. Rice falls off forks, someone's biceps start shaking, and the students struggle to get food to their mouths. Lisa eventually removes the props so they can enjoy the meal.
Michelle says she is now intensely aware of her body. Lisa says that awareness is "actually the biggest thing," because many people do not notice other people's personal space.
Dessert, Silverware, and a Near-Miss
At dessert, the group raises champagne glasses, and the toast draws applause. Lisa mentions she still needs to show them what to do with their silverware. She is briefly alarmed that someone may have chipped her china. They have not.
Toasting: The Three B's and the Recipient's Rule
Lisa's toasting rule is the three B's: begin, be brief, and be seated. She opens with "I would like to propose a toast" and thanks Michelle for inviting everyone to learn to elevate themselves in the new year.
This is also where one of her traps lands. Michelle is the recipient of the toast and drinks along with everyone else. Lisa explains that the person being toasted does not drink, because doing so is the equivalent of "yay me, I'm so fabulous." Instead, the honoree sets the glass gently on the table and drinks after the toast ends and attention moves elsewhere. Lisa tells Michelle it's fine since she didn't know.
The students then give their own toasts. Chris thanks Lisa for welcoming them into her home and says they learned things they will carry for life. Chris's attempt to clink glasses doesn't produce the right ring, and Lisa isn't sure whether the problem is technique or the cider. The glasses get swapped to test it. Michelle's toast honors the crew who filmed the day and says the experience will educate many people.
The Grades
Lisa reveals her scores, admitting the numbers are partly coming to her on the spot.
Kelsey. Lisa was undecided. Kelsey yawned a lot early on but perked up once there was food, though not enough to redeem herself in the dining portion. Lisa first says 78. When Kelsey protests, Lisa agrees to "flip it" to 87, a B+.
Chris. Lisa liked Chris's turtleneck ensemble at the start and says Chris looked "very prince-like." Chris lost points during the dining portion and ends with an 85, which Chris accepts as "a solid B."
Michelle. Lisa says organizing the lesson in the first place puts Michelle near the top, whatever the faux pas. Michelle points out the unzipped dress at the very beginning, and Lisa agrees it started Michelle at a deficit. But Michelle's kind words at the end raised the score, and the final grade is 93.
All three "graduated" in the A and B range. Michelle jokes that her perfectionism is "dying inside." Lisa closes with her view of the purpose of the lesson: to help people feel confident, comfortable, and like they fit in wherever they go. She says she hopes the session gave viewers "a taste of the fascinating world of etiquette."
On this episode of Challenge Accepted, I am going to etiquette school. I'm here to find out if etiquette and manners are actually still relevant today. Challenge Accepted.
A portion of this video is sponsored by State Farm.
Hello, my name is Lisa Gaché. I am the founder and CEO of Beverly Hills Manners.
Lisa, it is so lovely to meet you. Today is a very special Challenge Accepted because I'm not by myself. I brought my lovely friends, Chris and Kelsey. Do you want your dress zipped all the way in the back? Oh my God.
We haven't even introduced ourselves to Lisa, and I've already failed etiquette school.
So what Michelle and her friends don't know is that I'm going to be scoring them. Watermelon. Vega. And what they also don't know is that I might have set a few small traps.
I just want to get into the handshaking because... I know, right? You come in first, second, already a learning moment. So we'll have Michelle face Chris here. So right hand, from the elbow down.
We want to go into this area here called the web. So we want to meet hands web to web. Browser.
That's really interesting that you mentioned, and here's why. Men are supposed to actually wait for the woman to initiate the handshake. And the reason for that is because men should not assume that women want to have any type of physical contact. I love that. Right? So if Michelle did not initiate the handshake, then you simply nod. Exactly.
Okay, now how many pumps do you think is the perfect Goldilocks number? Three. I'm gonna say two. Okay, so let's see two pumps. One, two. Okay, those are very weak pumps, people. Okay, we need two proper pumps. So one, two, and then release. Then let go.
Kelsey, get in here. Hi, Chris. It's nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Beautiful. Look at that. Wow. That was like a meet-cute.
There are so many crazy montages that take a girl or a woman from zero to hero through an etiquette makeover transformation. I'm talking The Princess Diaries, Miss Congeniality, even The Aristocats. Yes, the cats have etiquette. It seems like this is such an important part of history and society and something that feels incredibly untouchable.
People are forming opinions about us within the first seven seconds of meeting us. They're actually not concerned with what we're wearing or what our hair looks like. They're actually noticing something that begins with the letter P. Poise. Politeness. Posture.
I'd like you all just to take a seat, and let's see what that looks like. Manspreading. When we are sitting nicely, there is no spreading of any kind. We actually do not have contact with the back of the chair, so that means everyone should be sitting up. For Chris, you want to try and keep your feet in a parallel position and hands on your knees, just like that.
Doesn't he look impressive? Incredible. He looks present, just very interested and excited to be where he is, right? Versus kind of lean back in the chair. Doesn't that look like, 'Entertain me,' or, 'I'm not so sure I want to be here,' versus the other way? He's all in, right? Right.
Okay, etiquette, the way you treat others, the way you behave, these are all elements of what makes a good neighbor. So I'm going to try and maintain perfect posture while telling you all about today's sponsor, State Farm. And thanks to State Farm for sponsoring a portion of this video.
Dates, working out at the gym, mint chocolate chip ice cream: these are all things I don't want to give up, and neither should you. And thankfully, you don't have to with State Farm. Can I be Michelle from State Farm? That has a nice ring to it. Just anything.
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All you gotta do is call or go to statefarm.com to get a quote today. And thank you so much to State Farm for sponsoring this portion of the video and making episodes like this one possible. All right, back to etiquette school.
If you've ever seen the Duchess of Sussex or the Queen of England, they sit with perfect posture. And imagine how long they have to sit in those positions, right? So you'll tie this around your knees there. And it should be, like, tight? Yes, yes. And around your ankles. Exactly right.
If you have ever watched a female politician, they are sitting with their ankles crossed. Turn a little bit to the side, facing me. Our heels are flat on the ground, and now we're going to cross one behind the other. Gorgeous.
Now, if you did want to cross your knee, okay, it's a lift and it's a squeeze. Okay, so you're crossing. Okay, careful, don't spread that too far. Okay, so... Okay, you're not right. Okay, this foot should be pointed and in contact with the foot that's on the floor. Now lift this thigh. Sorry, I'm getting close. Lift it all the way up. Yes. Do you feel that? I'm holding up my legs. Yes, you are. Resting? Nope. Your left thigh should not be in contact with your right buttock. Yeah, I don't know. There's a space. Yeah, there's literally, like, a space. Toe should be pointed down. Ladies, suck it all in, chin up, and smile with your eyes.
All of these things, you don't have to look at them as male-specific or female-specific. If you're walking through a door, no matter who you are, and you notice there's a person behind you, you hold the door open because it's courteous to do so. These behaviors, we just do them for others. They should come naturally, regardless of what you look like and how you identify.
That was all just about posture, but next we're going to move into some interesting dining, because I'm sure we've all worked up a bit of an appetite at this point. Right. Okay, wonderful.
There's a story that dates back to 18th-century France. King Louis XIV, who would throw these lavish parties at his home, and he would invite the townspeople to come. And instead of them walking on the path, they would walk on the lawn. They would maybe stomp on the occasional flower, and this really upset the king. So the king consulted his gardener, and the gardener said, 'Let's build a little sign that said, please stay on path.' And so the word etiquette developed over the years to mean the little signs or guidelines to help us to know how to behave in every single situation.
I'd like to direct you to the place setting. I'm going to teach you once and for all where your bread plate is located and your glasses are located. My father taught me this. Okay, tell us, Kelsey.
So my dad, one time, he grew up in kind of a rural town, and it was his first big business dinner. And he reached for his bread plate on the right, and all of the men saw him do that and then switched plates. And he was totally humiliated because he had made everyone have to switch what plate they were using as well. So ever since then, he drilled into my mind that you hold up your two hands. One is a B, and that's for the bread plate, and one is a D, and that's where your drinks go.
The number one rule of etiquette is, if you're in the know, you never want to shame someone for not knowing this information. And so everyone politely just switched it up in order to make your dad feel good. And that's what this is all about. Manners are designed to help put other people at ease.
Alrighty, let's get down to business and get some food into our bodies. So, Kelsey, may you please pass the bread? Yes. Thank you. So the rule of etiquette says that everything gets passed to the right. So if I'm the person holding the bread, I want to offer it to the person on my immediate left first, and then it goes all the way around the table to the right. Thank you.
Oh, I should tell you all, we're dining on my wedding china and my wedding crystal. And so everything in here is super valuable and meaningful. And so you break it, you buy it. So good luck. The stakes were just raised just now. Okay.
Going to have our soup course momentarily, which I'm going to bring out. How are you guys doing? I'm fine. I'm just stressed. So everything was fine until this was wedding china.
Okay, so we're back. Let's break out the white wine, shall we? Please. I don't drink at all, so what would be proper etiquette for that? Then you would say, 'No, thank you,' nothing, and you would pass it down. And I say, 'Thank you.' It smells like I'll be drinking for you, Chris.
And, Chris, I have Martinelli's sparkling cider we're gonna pour for you for the champagne substitute. Okay. Michelle went for a little bit more of a club pour. Or no? Okay, pull up. Okay. Looks sensible. Feel free to take a sip. Well, let's just see how you do it, and then, you know... That's the wedding...
Let's get into the soup, shall we? This is the most beautiful spoon I've ever seen. I found this at an estate sale. Now, when we pick up the soup spoon, we are balancing it on the middle finger here. This is where you can do a little pinky raise, and it's purely for balance. So the pinky raise... Well, it's not for affectation, but for balance.
So when we scoop, we are going to scoop away. So you want to tilt. You start in toward you, and you fill the vessel about three quarters of the way, and now drink from the side of the bowl. If you are worried about a drip before it gets into your mouth, you have seven seconds before the drip will drop.
Should we time ourselves? Here we go. We're scooping. One, two. I just dripped. Three. Oh. Five. Mine just dropped. Six, seven. Oh, photo finish, but I did it.
In any case, we're going actually for... God. Okay, so Miss Kelsey. I didn't make it all the way to the Miss Kelsey. Oh my goodness, we don't do that when we're blowing our nose. We don't need to, because we have what I call our blast shield. Blaster, right? So we can use it. Very sci-fi. Here are my hands. I wrap underneath. Nice. Everything happens to the right, so... And, or... Or yawn. You can hide a yawn in a napkin? You can. Lisa.
So we are now going to enjoy our entrée, and I'm going to turn up the heat here a little bit. Okay, we do this, and then we go under the armpits. So this is going to help us, making sure our body is upright. I feel like I'm in a harness. The Princess Diaries definitely had this.
So I'm going to have you hold these in your armpits on either side. This is to remind yourself to keep your arms from flapping when you're dining. No wings should be flapping. This is all you get. This is it. And now all I have to say is good luck to everybody, because you're going to try and eat. Is this Squid Game?
My body is tensed right now. I am unable to do... Right, like in my lats, in my back.
If you've watched any of those episodes of Downton Abbey, they are stick straight. Their movements are so discreet. They're not shoveling it in like a lot of us do, standing over the sink in our kitchen, right? I know, it's crazy.
Can you even get the rice? Do you think it's gonna happen? Is that a rice bite? An attempt to arrive. Oh, the rice is falling. Maybe my elbows... My biceps are just shaking. My arms are on my face. See it? I can see it. Everything's about to drop. Let's see. Breathe. Breathing. Okay, breathe. Try. I'll take these out just so you can enjoy your meal. I'm so aware of my body.
Awareness is actually the biggest thing, because a lot of people don't acknowledge others' personal space. I think we're ready for dessert. Yes. Does everybody still have room in their bellies? Yeah. Okay, and we'll get into our champagne toast. Oh, nice. Very worthy of applause. Thank you. Yes. And then I have to show you all what to do with your silverware, and then before... Oh, goodness me. Did you chip my china? No. No. Okay, good. Okay.
All right, let's talk about toasting. There are the three B's: begin, be brief, and be seated. Sounds so nice, doesn't it? We open with the lines, 'I would like to propose a toast.' Oh. And then we say, 'Thank you to Michelle for inviting us all to learn how to kind of elevate ourselves in the new year. Please raise your glasses.' Hear, hear. Hear, hear. Hear, hear.
Now, Michelle, the recipient of the toast. Oh, thank you. You do not drink. I wanted to see what you were going to do. If you are drinking, it's the equivalent of, 'Yay me, I'm so fabulous,' right? Oh no. Dead. It's okay. I know you didn't know this, Michelle. Instead, your drink just ever so gently goes back down on the table. And then when all eyes are off of you, after the toast is finished, then you may drink as you wish. Who wants to go first?
Nice. I would like to propose a toast. Lisa, thank you so much for welcoming us into your home. I've learned so much that I will care for throughout the rest of my life.
Oh, Chris. You know why? Chris, I'm going to tell you why right now. Tell me. Either something's off in the way you're doing that, or Martinelli's does not give you the same tone. Try mine. Try mine. See if it's... The champagne flute is choosing the wizard right now. Okay, let's see.
I would like to propose a toast to our entire lovely crew, who has so kindly filmed this entire experience today. I think it's going to educate a lot of people, and I've certainly learned a lot as well. Hear, hear. Hear, hear.
Lisa, it's time to reveal our individual grades. I'm going to start with Kelsey, just because she's at the end there. I was undecided about Kelsey just because, first of all, you were yawning a lot. Hint. But you did perk up now that we got some food in you. But you did redeem yourself in the dining arena. I'm gonna just say a 78. Oh. I don't know, I'm just kind of picking it up. We could flip it. 87. 87. 87. That's a B-plus.
And now we have Chris. I really liked his turtleneck ensemble at the beginning, and he looked very prince-like. But then Chris had a little bit of a kind of lessening of the point system, or decreasing, rather, of the point system when it came to the dining portion of the program. I'm gonna say an 85. I will take a solid B. Okay, right. That's so solid.
So now we have Michelle. Michelle, well, first of all, Michelle, just the fact that you organized this, that already shoots you into the very high score numbers because you had this on your radar, regardless of any little faux pas you had. My dress was unzipped at the beginning of time. That is so true. Okay, right there, you did start at a deficit. But you did say such beautiful things to me at the end, so that actually did take your score quite high. So I'm going to give you a 93. Oh. Because again, numbers are just kind of flying into my head.
We all graduated in the A's and B's category, so applause, applause, applause. My perfection is dying inside. And that's the goal with all of this: to get you to be confident and comfortable and feel like you fit in wherever you go. And I hope that this gave you a taste of the fascinating world of etiquette. There we go.
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