Facing a Lifelong Fear of Childbirth: Michelle Khare Tries Delivering a Baby
Michelle Khare
On August 10, 1992, Michelle Khare's mother, Laura Khare, had an emergency C-section. She was told that a complication could leave the baby brain-injured and that surgery was needed to save the baby's life. Khare was born premature, weighing four pounds 11 ounces, but healthy. Khare says that since hearing this story, they have had "a crippling fear of childbirth." In this episode of their challenge series, Khare flies to Texas to work with a team of medical professionals and learn how to deliver a baby, hoping to overcome that fear.
Simulating Contractions with Electrical Stimulation
Khare says one of their biggest anxieties about childbirth is the pain, so the first stop is a physical therapy center. The plan is to simulate labor contractions as closely as possible. Khare's muscles are shocked with electrical current in 45-second bursts, starting at level 1 out of a maximum of 20.
Khare asks what counts as success. The physical therapist's answer is that Khare is going to feel pain, because "there's no such thing as a pain-free contraction." The therapist adds the joke that if there were, men would have babies.
At level four, Khare's whole body is shaking. The therapist counts down the remaining seconds and then explains the rhythm of labor: after each contraction comes a break of about three minutes before the next one starts. During that gap, the therapist says, you know another one is coming. Khare finds that waiting the hardest part, calling it "so awful" to sit there anticipating the next wave. The intensity goes up to five and eventually reaches 14. Khare asks how people go through this. The therapist says many women do it for many babies and reveals they did it four times in five and a half years. Garrett, the director, is offered a turn on the machine. Khare's narration says this was the moment Garrett realized "being a woman is hard."
Lucina: A Robotic Birthing Simulator
Next, Khare visits a healthcare training facility with a full-size, fully functional replica of a delivery room. The centerpiece is Lucina, a robotic birthing simulator. Lucina breathes, and her vital signs on the monitor are produced by the robot. Khare can feel a pulse with two fingers. Staff explain that Lucina can bleed and accept IVs. Her eyes are simulated too, so they can be made to look jaundiced or bloodshot, and they can follow and track movement.
The simulator also comes with a baby that has an umbilical cord and feels about as heavy as a real newborn. It can simulate a postpartum hemorrhage: if the uterus does not become firm again after delivery, Lucina keeps bleeding until it does. One staff member says this happened to them. Their placenta did not fully detach, they began to bleed out, and they were rushed into two separate surgeries.
That story changes how Khare sees their mother's experience. Khare says complications like their mother's are not as rare as they had assumed. Khare cites these figures: about 31,000 of the roughly 385,000 births each day involve complications, and up to 20 percent of known pregnancies are estimated to end in miscarriage. Khare notes that pregnancy anxiety is common enough to have its own name, antenatal anxiety. When Khare asks whether being a mother felt worth it, the staff member says yes, "a hundred percent," and that they would not trade their children for the world.
The final challenge is then explained. Khare will perform two simulated deliveries, a standard vaginal birth and a C-section, while being watched through a two-way mirror. Sarah will control the birth from the other side. The simulator reacts to what Khare does, so a mistake will trigger the matching response from Lucina.
Meeting Two Expecting Mothers
Before the simulations, Khare meets Amber, who is expecting her first child within about 24 hours. Amber says contractions started the night before and are happening during the conversation. Khare is surprised at how calm Amber is. Amber says some contractions can be intense, but if it gets no worse she will be fine. She says she cannot wait to hold her son and bond with him, and that it is "crazy how much you can love somebody you've never met." She says she already feels that bond.
Khare says they had never thought much about the bond that forms during pregnancy. They reflect that this bond can be a source of courage and bravery that outweighs the other feelings.
To compare, Khare also meets a mother expecting her fourth child, her second girl. Khare asks for her secret. She says there isn't one, only patience and controlling your mind by telling yourself "you can do it." This birth is especially meaningful because the baby will be her partner's first girl, and the next day is his birthday. He calls it the biggest birthday present he has ever had.
Dr. Geffrey Klein and the First Clinical Skills
Khare's instructor is Dr. Geffrey Klein, an OB-GYN who has practiced in Clear Lake since 1997. He has practiced long enough that he now delivers babies of people he himself delivered. He says most doctors meet people at a bad time in their lives, with a problem that needs fixing. He gets to work with young, healthy people at a happy time, and seeing families start or grow makes his job a pleasure.
The training starts with a role-played patient who arrives with contractions. Khare has to decide whether she is in labor. The first skill is checking cervical dilation. At 10 centimeters a patient is considered completely dilated, which Dr. Klein says is necessary to fit a baby's head through. Khare confirms this is unavoidable for a vaginal birth. Dr. Klein tells Khare to reach up for the cervix, after putting on gloves. The role-player then says she feels the urge to push. Khare, who admits to having no bedside manner, calls Dr. Klein for help. Khare estimates about six centimeters, and Dr. Klein calls that "pretty good for a rookie."
Dr. Klein says the most common problems during birth are lack of progress, infection, and the baby not getting enough oxygen. He describes one emergency in detail: shoulder dystocia. This happens when the baby's head delivers but a shoulder gets stuck under the pubic bone. He calls it an obstetrical emergency that his team is trained to handle.
Khare tells him about their mother's emergency, in which the placenta covered the uterus and an emergency C-section was needed. Dr. Klein says it sounds like placenta previa. Khare says that having known the story their whole life has always made childbirth terrifying. Dr. Klein says he understands: his team has a strategy for dealing with it, but it can be scary.
Checking In on Amber's Labor
Khare visits Amber again, now in the hospital bed. Amber is uncomfortable. Dr. Klein and the nurse, Kimberly, check her dilation, waiting until she is not mid-contraction. Dr. Klein says there is improvement and expects delivery the next day during daylight hours. The fetal heart monitor plays the baby's heartbeat. Dr. Klein says it is fast, "like he's running up a hill in there." Amber says she could listen to it all day.
The First Delivery: A Shoulder Dystocia
The final challenge uses Cassie, a role player who acts as the mother's upper body, and a robotic lower half that Sarah controls from the next room. When the delivery starts, the patient is reported as fully dilated at plus-two station and ready to push. Khare is handed a pad for blood and fluid, and a team member jokes that "we don't want the baby bungee jumping." With each contraction the mother grabs her knees and pushes.
Then the shoulder gets stuck, the shoulder dystocia Dr. Klein described earlier. He walks Khare through the response. The mother's legs are pulled back and nurses push on the pubic bone. Khare applies slow downward traction on the baby's head to free the first shoulder, then lifts upward to free the second. The baby is placed on the mother, the cord is clamped, and the delivery is finished.
Khare calls the stuck shoulder "crazy." Dr. Klein says his team is always ready for emergencies like that and that nurses are trained in maneuvers to make sure the baby is still delivered safely. He also points out that this scenario represents a more common delivery.
The Second Delivery: A C-Section
Khare's second delivery is a C-section, inspired by their mother's experience. Khare cites a claim that C-sections are 80 percent more likely to involve complications and says they were "expecting the worst."
Dr. Klein guides each step. To find the incision site, you feel for the pubic bone and go a couple of finger-breadths above it. Khare makes a shallow cut along the line with the scalpel, and the opening is widened. They go between the abdominal muscles and then cut the peritoneum. Khare reaches in with the right hand to find the baby's head. Dr. Klein pushes on the abdomen as Khare pulls the baby out, which takes a lot of pressure. Dr. Klein says "excellent."
Afterward, Khare says the experience made their mother's ordeal feel real. Babies are born every day, Khare says, but people don't really think about what it means or how much a mother goes through to make it happen. Khare says it makes them appreciate everything their mother went through much more.
The Real Births
The video ends with both real families. Amber's son was born at eight pounds 11 ounces and 21 and a half inches long. Amber says it still feels surreal to have him in her arms, and Khare holds the baby.
The second family's daughter was born on her father's birthday. He calls it the best birthday ever and says he can't top it. The parents then ask Khare to be the baby's godmother, and Khare says they would be honored. Khare thanks both families for letting them share the week and says the experience was eye-opening and has given them hope for themselves. One parent tells Khare that having children will probably be one of the biggest challenges of their life, but also the most joyous thing they will ever go through.
A Letter to Mom
Khare closes with a message to their mother. Khare says they never fully grasped her sacrifices, the pain she experienced, or the tough choices she had to make, and may not understand them until having a child of their own. Khare hopes to one day be as brave, strong, and compassionate a mother as she has been, and ends by thanking her and saying "I love you."
On August 10, 1992, my pregnant mother, Laura Khare, had an emergency C-section. She was told that due to a complication, the baby may be brain injured and that a C-section was necessary to save the baby's life. People say that the day your baby is born is the best day of your life. And because of her unwavering resolve, despite daunting odds, I was born premature, four pounds, 11 ounces, but healthy.
Ever since hearing this story, I have had a crippling fear of childbirth. And so this week, I am flying to Texas to meet with a team of medical professionals to learn how to deliver a baby in hopes of overcoming that fear. Challenge accepted. Thank you to Shopify for sponsoring this video.
One of my biggest anxieties surrounding childbirth is the pain. And so my first stop is to meet with a physical therapist to experience the closest thing possible to labor contractions. My muscles will be shocked with electrical current in 45-second increments, starting at level one out of a maximum of 20.
What are we considering a metric of success? You're going to experience pain. I'm sorry, but there's no such thing as a pain-free contraction. If there was, men would have babies.
No, no, no. You're ready? Okay, okay. Relax. First of all, relax. Okay, are you ready? Here we go. We're gonna set a timer. Let's start. Is it on both? Yeah. And I'm going up with it. Oh, can you handle that? Is it too much, Michelle? My whole body's shaking.
This is level four. I think we're gonna have 30 more seconds. Only 30 more seconds. You're pretty good. You can handle this. It is paused now. Okay.
Okay, so now you're laying there. You're gonna have three minutes before you feel the next start to come on. Okay. And this is the feeling that you have. This time is going on and you're like, it's coming, it's coming. Oh no, it's coming. Yeah, just sitting here anticipating is so awful. Is it getting ready? No. Okay, Garrett.
We go a little bit more. Five. Oh my God. Harry, okay, hold on. I'm trying to get them. Only 10 seconds.
It's a boy! No, really. Oh my gosh. That's good, but that's what it's like. How do people do this? A lot of women do lots of babies. You did this four times? Four times in five and a half years. Wow. Garrett, do you want to experience this? Do I? Do you want to? Do I want to? Oh.
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Pause. Okay. 14.
With a now better understanding of the pain, my next stop is to a state-of-the-art healthcare training facility to learn what it's like to be the one to actually deliver the baby. And that happens here in a fully functional, one-to-one replica of a delivery room.
Oh my gosh, that was a bit of a jump scare. Oh my God. So I'm gonna go ahead. Breathing? Yes, she's breathing. Yes, she is. She's breathing. So this is Lucina. She's a simulator. She can bleed. You can do IVs on her. She also has simulation eyes, so they look very realistic. So I can make her eyes jaundiced. I can make them bloodshot. She also could still follow and trace. You take your two fingers and put them right here. Do you feel it? The pulse? Yes. Wow. So the vitals we're seeing here are produced by the robot? Okay. Yes, they are.
Wow. This is the baby that she births. Was that charging? Yes, you just charge it up. Yes. Fork to crack, yeah. And it feels like the weight of a baby too. Oh my God. And it has an umbilical cord and everything that goes with it.
This one also does postpartum hemorrhage, so it will bleed. If the uterus doesn't go back to being firm, she'll bleed out until it goes back to being firm. That's what happened to me. What happened? My placenta didn't fully detach, and I was bleeding out, so they had to rush me into two different surgeries.
I am starting to realize that a complication in childbirth, like my mom's experience, isn't as uncommon as I originally thought. Out of the 385,000 births every day, roughly 31,000 of those experience complications. And the percentage of known pregnancies ending in a miscarriage is estimated to be up to 20 percent. In fact, so many people are anxious about pregnancy that there's even a word for it: antenatal anxiety.
But now, being a mom, did it feel worth it? Oh yes, a hundred percent. All of that? All of it. Wouldn't trade them in for the world. They drive me crazy, but I would not trade them in for the world.
For my final challenge, I will be performing two separate deliveries, the first simulating a standard vaginal delivery and the second simulating a C-section, all while being observed through this two-way mirror, where Sarah will be controlling the birth from the other side. So she reacts to everything that you're doing, whether it's good or bad. So if I mess something up, you will activate the appropriate response from Lucina? Correct.
But before I can successfully deliver a baby, I am meeting with Amber, a first-time expecting mother, in order to see firsthand what it's like to go through this process.
Wow, this is happening. It is, in 24 hours. I've actually been having contractions starting last night. So wait, this is in progress right now as we speak? Actually, there are contractions happening. You're so chill about this. Some of them can be pretty intense. You're a total badass. If it doesn't get any worse than this, we're ace. Oh my God, it's here. I know. I can't wait to hold him and just have that bond with him. And it's crazy how much you can love somebody you've never met. So you feel that already? I do. I feel that bond with him already. Oh my God.
I've never thought too intensely about the love and the bond that you develop with the baby as you are pregnant, and how that can be a source of courage and bravery and trump all of the other feelings. And after meeting Amber, I was also curious to compare her experience to that of a more experienced expecting mother.
So this is your fourth time? Yeah, this is my fourth time. It's my second girl too. But you must be a pro at this now. Oh yes. Okay, so is this just like another day at the office? Can you tell me your secret? I think it's not a secret. I think it's how you be more patient and control your mind. So I just told myself, you can do it, you can do it.
This one is kind of very special. First girl for him, and also tomorrow is his birthday. Yeah, she's gonna share the same cake. Well, this is the biggest birthday present I've ever had. Oh my God.
My name is Geffrey Klein. I'm an OB-GYN physician. I've been in practice in Clear Lake since 1997. I'm delivering babies for babies I've delivered. I've been out here so long. So nice to meet you. Oh my gosh, so you're really very, very experienced in this situation that is completely foreign to me. Another day at the office.
Most doctors experience people at a bad time in their life with a problem that needs to be fixed. I, on the other hand, get to deal with young, healthy people at a happy time in their life. Getting to see new families or families expand makes my job a pleasure. Do you accept the challenge? I get to have this? Yeah.
So this patient's come in, and she's complaining of contractions, and we need to determine whether or not she's in labor. Okay. Hello. Hey. This is Anise, nurse educator, and we have Dr. Klein here and Michelle here with you. What brings you to the hospital today?
All right, well, you're up. Yes. Wait, no, now? On action? On me? What the heck? Well, firstly, let's give you some skills. First thing we got to do, we have to determine if their cervix is dilated. So this tells you what you're looking for. When a patient is 10 centimeters dilated, she's what we call completely dilated. Excuse me? Yeah. Yeah, that's got to fit a baby's head through there.
So if I'm pregnant and I'm delivering a baby, there's no way around this? Yeah. This has to happen? This is a requirement? If you want to get it out vaginally, yeah. Yep. All right, okay, so what's next? So you're gonna place your fingers inside of her vagina and reach up for her cervix. Okay, and I should put on some gloves for that? Yeah, you'll definitely want to do that.
I'm starting to feel the urge to push. Hello. I don't have a bedside manner, Dr. Klein. I need help. I really need help. Here we go. Oh. I know, you and me both. Okay. Oh my God. All right, let's see. That's about, I think it's six. Okay, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah, for a rookie, that's pretty good.
A lot of things can go wrong during birth. The most common are lack of progress, infection, the baby's not getting the oxygen that it needs. So during delivery, if the baby's head delivers and the shoulder is impacted underneath the pubic bone, that can create a condition called shoulder dystocia. And that is an obstetrical emergency, but we're trained to manage it.
One of the reasons I wanted to do this was because my mom had a life-threatening situation when she was pregnant with me where the placenta covered the uterus, and they had to do an emergency C-section. So she may have had what was called placenta previa. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. But I feel like since I've known that my whole life, it's always, this is terrifying to me. Absolutely terrible. Yeah, yeah, I get it. We have a strategy for dealing with it, but it can be scary.
It's a big one. Hey, how's it going? It's good. It's going. Has a lot changed since this morning? Uncomfortable, though. Yes. So when I get a moment, we'll check your dilation. Okay. Okay, preferably not while you're having a contraction. Yes. All right, it's exciting. Ready to meet him? Yeah. Won't be long. I know.
Amber is in the hospital now, in the bed, ready to go. Dr. Klein and Kimberly, the nurse, are checking her out to see how much dilation has occurred, to see how soon the baby's gonna go. What's going on? She's three, seven here. So that's an improvement. So it probably won't take a whole lot of time to deliver. I'm thinking tomorrow during daylight hours would be likely, so we'll see. Yeah, pretty exciting.
What is that noise? This is baby's heart rate. Whoa. And their heart rate's pretty fast. Faster than ours, like he's running up a hill in there. I love hearing that sound. I could hear it all day. The next time that we see Amber, she's going to be holding her baby. And that is so cool.
Michelle, are you ready for your final challenge? I hope so. Cassie is a role player. She's simulating this experience. She's not actually going to have a baby on camera, but it's gonna feel really real. And while Cassie will be role-playing the mother's top half, we will be using a robotic lower half to simulate the actual birth, all controlled by Sarah in the next room. And with everyone in place, it was finally time for my first delivery.
What's the status? All right, she's complete and plus two, ready to push. What is this? Oh yeah, we don't want the baby bungee jumping. That's for all the mess, so the blood and the fluid that comes out. Okay. All right, so now when you're having a contraction, we're gonna have you grab your knees and push. All right, Mama, hands behind your knees. Okay. One, two. Very good. All right, all right. A little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more.
Hold on. Oh yeah, I think we have a shoulder. We have a shoulder dystocia. All right, so you're gonna—what's that? What's the shoulder dystocia? So the shoulder is impacted under the pubic bone, so we need to get her legs back, and the nurses need to push on the pubic bone. Okay. All right.
All right, now slow downward traction on the baby's head. Okay. And then down. Get that shoulder out. Get that shoulder out. Got it. All right, good. Now up to get the other shoulder out. All right, time. All right, so plop that baby up there. Yeah. All right, clamp the cords. Yeah. Excellent. There we go. Good job.
Well, good job to you. Oh my God, that was crazy. You did a great job. But the shoulder impacting, that was crazy. We're always ready for those emergencies, and we have maneuvers that the nurses are trained to do so that we can make sure the baby's still delivered safely, even though the shoulder got stuck. You did a good job.
But that was just representing a more common delivery scenario. For my second delivery, I will be attempting a C-section inspired by my mother's experience. And with C-sections being 80 percent more likely to have complications, I was expecting the worst.
This is where you're gonna cut. Okay, how do you know? You feel for the pubic bone, and then you go a couple fingerbreadths above the pubic bone. This is your scalpel, and you open it like that. Okay. Yep. All right, so just cut along the line very superficially.
Let's just open that up a little bit more. Wow. So we're gonna go between the abdominal muscles. All right, so now you're going to take your knife, and you're going to cut the peritoneum like this. Yep. Okay. All right, take your right hand and reach in there and pull it out. You got the head? All right, I'm gonna push on the hill while you pull it out. There you go. Lots of pressure. Got it. All right, time. Excellent.
It's really impactful to see what my mom went through. Babies are born every day. You say that, right? But I don't think people really think about what it means when a baby's born and how much a mom gives up to make it happen. It makes me appreciate everything she went through so much more. Thank you so much for showing me this. Sure. You did great. Thank you.
Oh my God. Oh my. Oh my, cute. He was eight pounds, 11 ounces, and 21 and a half inches long. Your son. It still feels so surreal. He's in my arms. You're a mom. I know. Did you want to hold him? Am I allowed? Oh my gosh. Look at your little arms. Little everything.
What a beautiful name. Thank you. Happy birthday to you. Wow, look at that. She's smiling. Look how happy she looks. This is the best birthday ever. It is. I can't top this. Too bad we can't ask you to be the godmother, huh? What? You? I would love it if you could. Are you serious? Yeah, if you'd love to. So you want me to be the godmother of your child? Oh yeah. Oh my God. I would be honored. Yes, she looks happy. This is crazy.
Easy, right? This is such a magical moment. Thank you so much. Oh my God, thank you both so much for letting us be a part of your lives this week. This has been such an eye-opening experience, and it's given me a lot of hope for myself, so thank you.
One day when you do have kids, it'll be one of the biggest challenges you've probably ever been through. Yeah. But it would be the most joyous thing you've ever been through, so trust me on that one.
Dear Mom, I've never fully grasped the sacrifices you've had to make for me, the pain you experienced, the tough choices you've had to make. And I may never understand until I have a child of my own. All I can hope is that one day I'm just as brave, just as strong, and as compassionate of a mother as you have been with me. Thank you, Mom. I love you.
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