Plan the Feeling First: Ramit Sethi's Framework for Unforgettable Trips
I Will Teach You To Be Rich
Ramit Sethi opens with a claim about their own vacations: by the time they're actually traveling, they aren't thinking about money at all. They say they will never sit in a resort restaurant wondering whether they can afford the shrimp cocktail, because those decisions were made long before. Over trips from Kyoto to Morocco to Italy, Sethi has developed a planning framework they describe as personal and intentional, and they argue it applies to a weekend getaway as much as to a $25,000 dream vacation. Their central point is that great trips don't come from spending the most. They come from knowing what you want and what you don't, spending extravagantly on the first, and cutting the second even when other people think you should see it.
Why Most People Plan Vacations Backwards
According to Sethi, most people start in the wrong place. They pick a destination that has no real connection to them, then go to a travel site and start pricing things. Sethi compares this to opening the kitchen cupboard, finding almonds, coleslaw, slightly rotten lettuce, jelly beans, and pickles, and announcing that you're going to make a magical meal. People start with logistics, such as whether Delta or United is cheaper, instead of asking what they want to experience or feel. In Sethi's telling, that is how you end up working through random checklists and complaining at Disneyland about how expensive and hot it is.
Sethi says the first question should be what kind of experience you want. Sometimes that's complete relaxation: a resort, time by the pool, eating, and not much else. Sometimes it's adventure, like the medina in Morocco or gorilla trekking and safari in Rwanda. Sometimes it's family, such as spending hours every day with relatives in their home in New Delhi. Any of these can be magical, but you have to choose.
Sethi argues that choosing a destination at random has a hidden cost. If you get off the plane and ask ChatGPT what to do, and you only get ten days or two weeks off a year, you haven't just lost the $4,000 the trip cost. You've also lost the time and the chance to create memories. Sethi adds that people deserve at least one moment of awe every quarter. It could be as extravagant as a sundowner at sunset on a Kenyan safari, or as close to home as watching the sunset at the park while your kids play soccer.
Lower the Stakes, Raise the Magic
Sethi points to a familiar scene: parents at Disneyland who are irrationally angry at a young child's tantrum because "we spent all this money and time to come here." Sethi calls this understandable. Trips cost a lot of money and time, so people pile all their expectations onto a single moment and get frustrated when it isn't perfect.
Sethi proposes changing two things at once. First, lower the stakes. Not everything has to go perfectly, things will go wrong, and you can laugh about it. Second, when things do go right, they should be magical. That means refusing to spend time on things you don't care about, such as a museum everyone says you must visit, and going deep on the things you love, even to a degree other people find strange.
As an example, Sethi describes commissioning a bespoke tour in Japan from a local guide based in Kyoto, built around their specific interests. The guide recommended visiting a temple so Sethi would understand some of the aesthetics involved. Sethi said they would go if she truly believed it was necessary, but that they weren't interested in temples at that point. They didn't go. Sethi's summary: "your money is good money," and you get to decide what you see.
Planning 12 to 18 Months Ahead
Sethi says they and their wife never land somewhere and then start searching online for things to do. They usually plan trips 12 to 18 months in advance. Every December they hold what Sethi calls a "rich life review." They decide how many trips they'd like to take, whom they'd like to bring, and what kinds of places they want to go. They check whether the numbers make it possible, but they always start with the vision ("what if," "wouldn't it be cool if") and work out logistics afterward.
Sethi estimates that planning a major trip, such as two to four weeks in Japan, takes them two to three months at an unhurried pace. They say a lot of pre-work is already done: a document of friends and family they'd like to invite, a list of hotels they want to stay at, and a bookmark folder for nearly every country they want to visit. Sethi says it wouldn't matter if planning took a year, because they enjoy the process.
Sethi applies the same thinking to transit, which many people dislike: rushing to the airport, hauling bags and car seats, long security lines, uncomfortable seats. If that part matters to you, you might book a car service, pay for expedited security, check bags despite the common advice not to, or upgrade your seat because your guilt-free spending allows it and you want to arrive rested. Or you might deliberately buy cheaper seats so you can stay an extra day. Sethi says both choices are valid. What matters is that the trade-offs are explicit, agreed on if you're traveling together, and owned, because nobody is forcing you to take the trip.
Escaping "Default Vacation Mode"
Sethi repeats that the first question is never "How much will this cost?" but "What do we want this trip to feel like?" A very cheap trip can be adventurous, and a very expensive one can be purely relaxing. In Sethi's view, cost and experience are only slightly correlated.
Sethi compares the common alternative to what happens when the financial industry asks people about their "financial goals." Ordinary people suddenly start speaking in stilted jargon about retiring diligently and saving four to five percent, which Sethi says isn't how anyone actually thinks. On vacation, people similarly turn into a "default vacation person" who feels obliged to see every museum and sight. If you haven't been to a museum in your hometown in seven years, Sethi asks, why would you care about one abroad? It's fine to say you aren't interested.
Sethi traces this to a broader pattern. When they ask people "What is your rich life?", many can't answer, because most of us move through life as consumers who mimic others: the same clothes, cars, and activities. Rare vacations then default to the same template. Sethi frames travel as a chance to learn who you are, citing the saying "We are never as American as when we are abroad." Travel exposes what you enjoy, what you expect, and what you'd never noticed, and Sethi urges people to do that reflection before the trip. They add that if you have a little money to hire an expert for two hours, that person will gladly share their life's work with you.
"Must Be Nice": Intentionality at Any Budget
Sethi acknowledges that some viewers dismiss their travel videos as unrelatable because of the difference in income. Sethi thinks this misses the point. The hotels may differ, but the lesson is about intentionality, which you can apply with half or a tenth of the money.
Their example: when Sethi and their wife wanted quality time with some couples they know, they sent an email saying where they were going, that spending time together mattered to them, and exactly what they had in mind: one big dinner together, one excursion, and plenty of time on their own. They shared the hotel so the others could decide whether they liked it and could afford it, and they gave the dates. Sethi notes this works just as well with a hostel as with a luxury hotel. The point of money, they say, isn't to throw it around on everything but to spend extravagantly on what you deeply love.
Case Study: Gorillas in Rwanda
Sethi walks through how one trip came together. After several relaxing trips, including a Thai beach and a Mexican resort, Sethi and their wife asked how they wanted to feel the next year and realized they wanted adventure. They were healthy and fit, and they knew there might be places they wouldn't be able to visit someday.
They then asked each other what "adventurous" meant, since it could just as easily mean three weeks of cooking or ceramics classes in the Japanese mountains. Sethi wanted something tactile and physical, and their wife agreed. While looking through their list of countries, she suggested seeing the gorillas in Rwanda, and Sethi immediately knew that was it. From there the details followed: how long people typically stay, and since Rwanda is a long trip from the US, what else they might want to experience in the region.
Sethi describes being about six feet from the gorillas. Babies ran around pulling hair, adolescents postured to look big and strong, and the huge silverbacks mostly dozed with their eyes closed, occasionally opening one eye to quiet rambunctious youngsters with a grunt that made everyone understand who was in charge. Sethi says they felt connected to nature and grateful, because they had talked about and planned this for years. Walking through a tea plantation and then lush jungle, Sethi remembers thinking that this was exactly what they wanted to feel: wet grass, sweat, moving their bodies. At that moment, they say, money was the last thing on their mind.
Bookmarks, AI, and the "Barbell"
Sethi says they enjoy each trip three times: once while planning, which they compare to bringing a piece of art to life; once while traveling, living what they've planned for months or years; and once afterward, when they post photos and videos and relive the trip through other people's reactions.
Sethi never plans from a blank page. If you were told you'd be in Bulgaria in six months, you'd probably have no idea what to do. So whenever Sethi reads something interesting in their daily reading, whether it's about Amsterdam, Mexico City, or New Delhi, they bookmark it. When a trip comes up, they have hundreds of saved restaurants and experiences to choose from, filtered by the vision for that trip.
For people without such a list, Sethi ran a test. They gave ChatGPT a description of themselves and their wife, including their ages, interests like design, and what they do and don't care about, and asked for a five-day New York City itinerary. Because Sethi knows New York well, they could judge the result. They rated it about 80% good and a great starting point, with a few solid restaurants and decent hotels. Where it fell short, in Sethi's view, was that it didn't suggest anything that would be memorable for years.
That's what Sethi looks for. They describe their approach as a "barbell": skip the fine-but-generic middle and look for the extremes. That might be someone cooking in a back alley or a very high-end restaurant, or something personally relevant, like a textile shop whose owner will show them behind the scenes how the textiles are sourced. It could be cheap or expensive, near or far, as long as it will be remembered.
Invisible Scripts and the Dream Phase
Sethi asks viewers to examine their "invisible scripts," deeply held beliefs about travel that shape how they plan. Examples include: we don't have enough time; it'll be too expensive; we'll need a vacation from the vacation; other people get to take trips like that but we can't because we have three kids; I'm easygoing and just like to wander; I only want to go where the locals go.
Sethi notes that when they see people booking ten hours a day minute by minute, they usually sense scarcity behind it, a belief that "this is the only time we'll be here, so we have to see everything." Changing that script to "we'll have an incredible trip, and if we love it we can always come back" would, Sethi argues, transform the itinerary and how the trip feels.
Sethi also argues that the planning phase is the time to dream, not to shut ideas down as too expensive or unrealistic. Ask "What if it were even more magical?" or "What would you do if we could do anything?" Sethi says some people avoid these conversations for fear of disappointing themselves or a partner if they can't deliver. Sethi sees it the other way: dreaming together has connective power. You don't have to do everything you brainstorm. You decide together what fits your vision, budget, and time.
The Overscheduled Itinerary: A Story Against Themselves
Sethi admits to having overscheduled trips. Early in their relationship, their wife planned their itineraries. In Bangkok, after a full day out, they had planned to nap before a nighttime food tour, but things ran late. They changed clothes and went straight out. Sethi remembers being extremely irritable, sweating, and not enjoying some of the best food in the world, even though the guide was perfectly nice. Sethi says the problem wasn't the guide or the city. It was them.
Their wife took the feedback. On the next trip, she asked Sethi to plan one day, Thursday. When Thursday arrived and Sethi explained the plan, she just looked at them. Sethi had packed the day from morning to night exactly as she had done in Bangkok. Sethi says they realized in that moment, "Oh my God, it's me." Sethi's lesson is that planners, from the comfort of home, keep adding things that sound cool, like at a buffet where everything seems free. They end up picking from a checklist instead of designing an experience.
The episode led to a conversation about their travel style and a new rule: one major activity per day, such as a food tour or a sight. Now their rule is one major activity every two days. Sethi notes this works because they tend to take longer trips. For a four-day trip to the other side of the world, they doubt one activity every two days would be enough.
Sethi says some of their best travel memories came from unscheduled time. They don't fear being unproductive while traveling. They compare it to watching hours of TV at home without guilt, or to a lion resting in the sun that will be ready when it's time to act. On a seven-day trip, you might schedule two late-start mornings so everyone can do their own thing. Traveling with parents, you might reserve an afternoon block each day for them to nap before dinner.
What's Worth Spending On
Sethi recalls a college trip to Las Vegas with friends: cheap Southwest flights for about $59, then an airport shuttle that dropped everyone off at their resorts. Sethi's group was last, and the driver announced over the mic, "And now for our high rollers at Circus Circus." Sethi says the roast was deserved, since it was the worst hotel in Vegas, and they knew it well because their parents used to take them there as kids, give them $20 for the kids' games, and see them six hours later. Still, the friends had an amazing trip and still joke about the driver. Fancier casinos with better food didn't matter because they were there to hang out together. Sethi's takeaway is that more money doesn't create memories. Feelings, connection with the people you're with, and the stories you create do.
Sethi and their wife now spend much more, but they've learned what they don't care about. Fancy restaurants aren't important to them when traveling, so their evenings are mostly free of reservations. They will, however, spend heavily on private experiences tied to their interests. On one tour of a home designed by an architect, they spent over an hour in a single small room, asking the architect about lighting choices, how afternoon light compares to evening light, wall textures, and how he designs his own home with kids who make messes. Sethi acknowledges this might seem boring to others, and says that's the point: "Your rich life should confuse other people," because true luxury is getting exactly what you want.
Morocco is Sethi's example of deliberately skipping the standard experience. Visitors typically go see rugs, but Sethi doesn't like Moroccan rug design and prefers Persian and Indian designs, so they declined repeated offers to visit rug stores. Instead, they went deeper elsewhere. At a textile shop, they chose thread colors, watched weavers at the loom, and had a coat made, which they say feels meaningful to wear because they saw how it was made. At a beautiful hotel, they took the general manager for a walk and asked how the property was created and staffed, and how it delivered in Morocco the same service the brand delivers in India. Sethi admits this sounds "freakishly weird," but says it's what they love.
Saving Without Guilt
Sethi's saving method is straightforward. If a trip a year away will cost about $12,000, they divide by 12 and automatically move $1,000 a month into a dedicated, named travel account, such as "Japan 2027" or "Family Italy Trip." By departure, the trip is already paid for. Sethi says they intentionally oversave so they never wonder on vacation whether they can afford gelato.
To estimate cost, Sethi says you can reach a number that's about 85% accurate in roughly ten minutes by focusing on the main cost drivers. For most people those are flights and accommodation, plus some daily spending on food and excursions. Over time, Sethi and their wife have developed daily spending benchmarks. Sethi cites luxury travel advisors, who they say typically quote about $1,000 to $2,000 per person per day, up from around $1,000 before COVID because hotel rates have risen sharply. Sethi stresses that this is a luxury figure and most people spend nowhere near it, but knowing your own number lets you estimate a trip by counting days.
Sethi then criticizes a pattern they often see: people spend carelessly all year on things they barely care about, then become hyper-frugal on the vacation they've been talking about for months, agonizing over a Dole Whip at Disney. Sethi asks why someone would spend mindlessly for most of the year and then turn into a grumpy guy at the one thing they claimed to value. If travel is one of your "money dials," Sethi argues, your spending should reflect that. Plan and oversave so you feel ease and abundance while there. The underlying principle, according to Sethi, is using systems (automatic saving, automatic investing, and carefully managed fixed costs) so that spending on a dinner while traveling carries no guilt. Sethi recommends their conscious spending plan as a way to know your numbers.
Designing a Trip for Someone Else: The Mexico Example
Sethi recounts advice they gave a student in their money coaching program who was taking family to Mexico and wanted to make it special. Sethi's answer was to be thoughtful, and that the trip starts the moment the parents leave their house.
Sethi walked through a scenario. A black car picks the parents up, maybe the first time they've ridden in one. At the airport, someone helps with bags and the unfamiliar steps of international travel, which Sethi estimates costs $100 to $150. In Mexico, someone holding a sign with their names meets them and takes them to an SUV stocked with cold water, beer, and cold towels, and a uniformed driver tells them the resort is 25 minutes away. At the resort, staff take their bags. Sethi advises reminding the parents beforehand to let them. The front desk greets them by name with a welcome drink and hands them a handwritten note from their child: Mom has a spa appointment waiting, and Dad will be escorted to the pool to join everyone.
Over the following days, Sethi suggests leisurely breakfasts, a hands-on cooking class, and a professional photographer, since the whole family is rarely together. At dinner, Sethi suggests bringing old photos of each person and asking them to tell stories, like what people wore in the '70s. Sethi says this is worth more than any bigger hotel room, because the money wasn't just thrown at the problem. It was spent thoughtfully.
Ask for What You Want
Sethi emphasizes that you can ask for what you want respectfully, and that it's fine when the answer is no. At the hotels they stay at, they send a pre-arrival letter, which Sethi says hotels appreciate because it helps them serve guests. For example, since they aren't into wine, which hotels often leave as a welcome gift, they ask for berries or local fruit instead. Sometimes it isn't available, and that's fine.
The principle, as Sethi puts it: if you don't shape the experience yourself, you'll usually get a mediocre version of what everyone else gets, because travel businesses cater to the average traveler. On a private food tour that normally ran about four hours, Sethi and a friend asked in advance whether it could be two and a half. The guide said of course. Otherwise, Sethi says, they would have sat through four hours, politely enduring "another thing."
The Ranthambore Dinner: "This Is the Whole Point of Money"
Sethi closes with one of their favorite memories. Because relationships are one of their core values, Sethi and their wife invited Sethi's mother and aunt, who are sisters, on a trip to Ranthambore, a tiger safari destination in India. Although both were born and raised in India, neither had been there. The adventure started on the overnight train from New Delhi. Sethi had booked first class, picturing something like Delta, and found an Indian sleeper car instead. Still, the sheets were clean, and in the morning uniformed porters took their bags and drove them in SUVs to the Oberoi, which Sethi calls their favorite hotel brand, especially in India. There was a greeting ceremony, the mother and aunt were told not to worry about bags, and spa appointments were waiting. The next day's safari was bumpy and adventurous, though they didn't see any tigers.
One night, Sethi took the chef aside and asked to create a special dinner for their wife, mother, and aunt, based on where each grew up and their favorite dishes. The chef loved the idea, sat down with Sethi, and asked about each person, such as whether their wife's favorite was paneer. Sethi told the family only to be ready around 6:30. Since they were in the middle of nowhere, clearly staying on the property, a golf cart drove them around a corner to hundreds of candles and Rajasthani music, with the chefs waiting and a personalized menu at the table. Sethi says they could hear the surprise in all three voices, and that the moment they'll never forget is their aunt asking, "Why did you do this for us?" Sethi recalls thinking that this is the whole point of money: creating experiences that let people know they are valued and loved. In Sethi's words, if you can create one unforgettable meal, you can create one unforgettable trip, and from there an unforgettable life.
Sethi ends with a question for viewers: not luxury or business class, but what one specific, meaningful thing would make your next trip unforgettable? A cooking class with your kids, a month in Tokyo, or taking your parents somewhere they never imagined and making it easy for them.
By the time I take a vacation, I am not thinking about money. I am never going to walk into a restaurant at some resort beach area and be deciding, "Can I afford the shrimp cocktail?" Never going to happen because I have made those decisions way, way back there.
And over the years, as I've traveled from Kyoto to Morocco to Italy, I've developed a framework for planning trips that for me feels personal and intentional and creates unforgettable travel. And it works whether you are planning a weekend getaway or a $25,000 dream vacation.
In this video, I am going to share examples that range the entire gamut of spending. But remember that great trips are not just about spending the most money. They're actually about deeply knowing what you want and even what you don't want, and then building a personal trip around that. That means spending extravagantly on the things you love. And it means cutting stuff you don't care about, even if other people think you should see it. And today, I'm going to show you exactly how I create these unforgettable trips.
Why most people have boring vacations. If you want to create a magical trip, then you must avoid what most people do when they plan travel. And that is they do it completely backwards. They literally pick a random place that has no real connection to them. And then the first thing they do is they go on some random travel site and start figuring out how much things cost.
That would be like you opening up your kitchen cupboard and going, "Okay, we have almonds, coleslaw, that lettuce is a little rotten, but that'll do. And give me the jelly beans and pickles. Let's create a magical meal." It's freaking absurd. And yet that is how so many people travel. They start by figuring out logistics instead of asking, "What do I want to experience on this travel?"
Have you ever asked yourself, "What do I want to feel on this trip?" No, you haven't. You asked if it's cheaper to go on Delta or United. Who gives a f***? That's not how you start planning a magical trip. That is how you go through a bunch of random checklists that make you end up at Disneyland complaining how expensive and hot it is. Stop it. We're going to start a different way. We are creating magic. And the first thing we do is we want to ask ourselves, "What do we want to experience?"
Sometimes when we travel, we decide that we want complete relaxation. That means we're probably going to a resort. We are going to actually stay there most of the time. We're going to sit by the pool. We're going to eat. That's what we want to do. Other times we want adventure. We're going into the medina in Morocco. We are going gorilla trekking in Rwanda and on safari, but we have to decide first, what do we want to experience?
Sometimes we want to spend time with family. We're going to New Delhi. We are spending time, hours and hours every day with our family in their house. These are all different examples of trips and they can be magical, but you have to decide. Nobody else decides. You do.
There's a big cost that many people do not recognize of just randomly picking a destination and getting there. And then you get off the airplane, you go, "What should we do? ChatGPT." If you only get 10 days or two weeks off per year and you spent $4,000 on this trip, not only did you lose $4,000 on a trip that you're not going to remember, you lost the opportunity to create amazing memories. You lost time.
Sometimes we don't even recognize that we deserve to have at least one moment of awe every quarter. And it could be as extravagant as watching a sunset with a sundowner in Kenya on safari. It could be as close to home as watching the sunset with your kids at the park as they're playing soccer. But you decide. Nobody is going to make that happen for you.
We've all seen parents who go to Disneyland and they are irrationally angry at their kids who are throwing a tantrum. They're young and they're like, "We spent all this money, all this time to come here and you can't even behave." Part of that is understandable. It costs a lot of money. It costs a lot of time. And so we build everything up into this one moment. And if it doesn't go perfectly, we become frustrated.
What I would like to encourage us to do is to have a different relationship with our travel. One that is less about everything has to go perfect and more a simultaneous change of, number one, lower the stakes. Not everything has to be perfect. In fact, things are going to go wrong and we're just going to laugh. That's life. And at the same time, when things go right, they should be magical.
I am not on this planet to sit here and go to some museum I don't care about because everybody else told me you should go see the museum. I don't care. I'm perfectly happy saying I'm not interested in that right now. On the other hand, there are things that I am deeply interested in to the point where it's weird. Other people go, "What the wrong with this guy?" That's perfectly fine. I love them.
That's why, for example, when I went to Tokyo, I created a special bespoke tour by a local person who lives in Kyoto. And I said, "These are the things that I'm interested in and I want you to craft an experience for me." She encouraged me, "I think we should go to a temple. It's really important so you understand some of the aesthetics that we're going to." I said, "If you really, really believe that we have to do it in order to understand this experience, fine. But frankly, I'm not interested in temples at this point," and we didn't go. Remember, your money is good money. You get to choose what you want to see and experience in order to have amazing trips.
We never just land at a place and then start looking online to see what we should do. My wife and I plan our trips, usually 12 to 18 months ahead of time. And what that means is we will create blocks of when we are going to travel and we have a general idea, a document of ideas of where we want to go. So every December, we're doing a Rich Life review and we are saying, "Okay, this is how many trips we like to take. Here's who we would like to bring. And here are the kind of places we would like to go." Of course, we need to look at the numbers and see if all of those things are possible, but we always start with the vision. "What if? Wouldn't it be cool if?" And then we work on the logistics later.
In terms of planning, usually planning a major trip, like a two to four week trip to Japan, will probably take us two to three months, but it's really slow. We're in no rush. And I will tell you that I have a lot of pre-work already done. I already have a document of friends and family that we would like to invite to travel with us. I also have a list of hotels that I would like to stay at. I have a bookmark for virtually every country that I want to visit of things that I've been keeping track of that I would like to experience or eat there. These are all things that make travel easier, but it doesn't matter if it took me a year to plan it because I'm enjoying the process.
A lot of people really do not enjoy the transit part of their vacation. Getting to the airport on time, lugging a bunch of bags. Maybe you got a car seat. Security's taking a long time and then the seat is super uncomfortable. And what I would encourage you to do is to think about, is that an important part of your trip? Because if it is, maybe you want to make it a little easier for yourself.
Perhaps you want to book a car service so that you're not rushed finding parking. Perhaps you want to have something that expedites you through the security line. Perhaps you want to check your bags, even though everybody tells you, "Don't check a bag." Perhaps you want to upgrade your seat because you look at your guilt-free spending and you realize, "Hey, we can afford this and so we're going to land and we're going to be rested." Or you might say, "Look, we are going to intentionally get cheaper seats because it's going to allow us to stay for an extra day."
That's also valid. It's up to you as what your Rich Life is, but you've got to own it. The world is not forcing you to get on a plane and go on vacation. You are choosing to. So make the trade-offs, make them explicit, agree if you're doing it together, and then own it.
The first question I ask when I am planning a magical trip is never, "How much is this trip going to cost?" But rather, "What do we want this trip to feel like? Is it relaxing? Is it adventurous? Is it family or relationship-based?" What is it? Because that determines everything else. Remember, you can have a very, very inexpensive trip and have it be adventurous. You can also have a very, very expensive trip and have it be super relaxing. Cost and experience are slightly correlated, but not as much as you would think. In other words, decide on what you want to feel first, and the money part comes way down the road.
A lot of people make the common mistake of defaulting into generic vacation mode. This is like when the financial industry asks people, "What are your financial goals?" And then all these people who have just been talking like normal people, suddenly they go like, "My financial goals are actually to retire quite diligently, and I would like to save at least four to five percent." Shut up. That's not your goal. Nobody even talks about goals. That's not how people think.
And yet when you go on vacation, you suddenly turn into default vacation person who feels they need to see all the museums and all the sights, even if you haven't been to a museum in the last seven years. Why do you care about a museum abroad? If you haven't been in a museum in your own hometown, maybe you just don't care about museums, and that's okay. You've got to decide what you want to do, and I'm giving you permission. It is totally okay to say we're just not interested in that, but here's what we are really interested in.
What's really going on here is that when I ask people, "What is your Rich Life?" many people are genuinely unable to answer it because most of us glide along through life as consumers. We do mimetically what other people do. We buy the same clothes. We buy the same car. We do the same activities, and so when we go on vacation for these rare, amazing opportunities that we have, we basically default into doing what everybody else is doing.
I'm encouraging you to take this opportunity to sharpen your own knowledge of yourself. You have permission to make these trips as meaningful and magical as you want, and trust me, if you have a little bit of money to spend to hire somebody for two hours, they will happily take your money and share their life's work with you. If you haven't yet been able to take time to identify your real preferences, this is a great opportunity.
Traveling is not just about seeing beaches. It's actually about helping you learn who you are. There's this magical phrase, "We are never as American as when we are abroad." That is because when you travel, you start to reflect on yourself in ways you would never be able to do in your hometown. You start to realize things you enjoy, things you don't, things you expect, things you never noticed, and I am asking you to do that before you travel so that you can have a magical experience.
Sometimes people look at my videos on traveling, and they roll their eyes and go, "Must be nice. Oh, I realize I'm not in the same tax bracket as you. Give me something more relatable, Ramit." I actually think that that misses the point. Sure, you may not be able to travel to the same hotels that I travel to, but what I am really trying to show you is what is possible and how to be intentional about your travel. You can be just as intentional with half the money, one-tenth the money. You just adapt the principles to your needs.
For example, when I wanted to spend quality time with some couples that we know, we sent an email to them. We told them exactly where we were going to go. We told them that we wanted to spend time with them, that it was important for us, and that my vision of the trip was one big dinner together, one excursion, and then a lot of chill time on your own. We set the expectation. We told them where we were going to go so they could look at the hotel and see if it was someplace they wanted to go, if they could afford it, and then we told them the dates. You could do that whether it's an expensive hotel or an inexpensive hostel. You can be that intentional, and the point of money is not simply to just throw it around extravagantly on everything. It is to spend extravagantly on the things you deeply love.
We've taken a lot of relaxing trips. We've gone to the beach in Thailand. We've been to a beautiful resort in Mexico and many other places in between. At a certain point, my wife and I looked at each other, and when we asked ourselves, "How do we want to feel next year?" we realized we wanted to feel adventure. We were healthy. We were fit. We were ready. We knew, looking down the road, there are places we might not be able to visit one day. We said, "Let's do something adventurous," and we were both into it. We could just feel it.
Then we said, "What does adventurous mean to you?" Because adventurous could be going to the mountainside of Japan and doing a cooking class or a ceramics class for three weeks. That's adventurous, but that wasn't what we had in mind. We started talking about it. I said, "I want to do something tactile, something a little physical," and she agreed, and we talked about it more and more. We have a list of countries that we want to visit, and we started looking at them, and it was so obvious. She said, "I think we should go see the gorillas in Rwanda," and I was like, "Yes, that's it. That would be so incredible."
I asked her, "When would you want to go? What do you want to see?" As we started to plan it, you start to get into some details. How long do people go to Rwanda, for example? If you're going to be in Rwanda, which is quite a trek from the US, are there other things that we want to experience while we are there? Our trip became a very adventurous trip.
We started in Rwanda. We went gorilla trekking. It was absolutely magical to be six feet from these gorillas, and they behave so similarly to humans. The little babies are running around. They're pulling everybody's hair, and they're just causing a ruckus. Then you have the adolescents who are going like this, "Oh," and they're kind of like simulating being big and strong. Then you have the silverback gorillas, and for the most part, they are huge, and they are just sitting there with their eyes closed, dozing. Once in a while, the young babies get too rambunctious, and the silverback opens one eye and goes, "Lil." The ground almost shakes, and the kids get quiet, and everybody knows who's in charge.
We're watching this. We have our guides with us. We're taking photos and videos. It is hard to believe. You feel very connected to nature, and I felt a special sense of gratitude because we had been talking about this and planning this for years, and here we are. It's surreal. It is a trip I will never forget. It is also a trip that I know I will return to.
As we were walking and seeing these beautiful, lush settings that we were walking through, the tea plantation that we first crossed before we got to the more jungle area, I remember thinking, "This is exactly what we wanted to feel. We wanted to feel the wet grass. We wanted to be sweating. We wanted to be moving our bodies," and at that time, money was the last thing on my mind.
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Now, let's move on to my actual planning system. I love planning travel because I get to enjoy the trip three times. The first is planning it, and that's designing it in the way, almost like I want to bring a piece of art to life. The next is taking the trip, and that is especially enjoyable because I'm living the things that I have been planning for months, sometimes years. And then the third surprising one is when I post photos and videos of it and I get reactions. People say, "Oh my God, that's so beautiful. Where is that?" That allows me to relive that experience through your eyes. So travel is incredibly rewarding and it's not just being there. It is everything surrounding it that makes it even more special.
I never plan travel from a blank page. If I asked you right now, "Hey, you're going to Bulgaria six months from now. What do you want to see?" You'd be like, "I don't know. I never thought about it." I don't have any idea of what to do in Bulgaria. When I am reading the things that I read on a daily basis, if I see something that looks interesting, I am saving it in my bookmark, whether it is for Amsterdam or Mexico City or New Delhi, whatever city it is in, I am saving that. So when the time comes for me to plan my next trip to New Delhi, I open up my bookmark and I have hundreds of experiences and restaurants and things to see. And now I can choose from this list which of these bookmarks fits the vision of the trip that we are taking.
If you don't have this, I did a little test. I went to ChatGPT and I told it, "My wife and I are into design, this, that, et cetera. This is how old we are. This is what we care about. This is what we don't. Give me a five-day itinerary in New York City, what you would suggest." And I wanted to test it because I know New York really well, and it came back. It was like 80% good. It was a great place to start. It had a couple of restaurants that I thought were solid. It suggested a couple of hotels that were pretty good. Where I think it missed is that it did not give me something that would be ultra memorable for years to come. And that is what I am looking for when I travel.
I don't care about a fine restaurant, a fine hotel. I don't care about that. It's just generic. When I'm traveling, I am looking for the different ends of the curve, almost like a barbell. I'm looking for an incredible restaurant, and it could be somebody cooking in a back alley or it could be a super high-end restaurant. I am looking for something that is personally relevant to me, like a textile shop because I love textiles, and one where the owner will give me a tour behind the scenes of how they acquire their textiles. I am not looking for the middle ground. That's not what I'm interested in. I'm looking for the barbell, the things that are incredibly memorable, could be cheap, could be expensive, could be high end, low end, could be close, far. I'm looking for the things that are going to make me remember.
What are your invisible scripts about traveling? I bet you have a bunch you've never even realized. It might be that we don't have enough time, it's going to be too expensive, or we're going to come back tired and need a vacation from the vacation. Or maybe the idea is I am frustrated because I see other people taking these trips and we can't take trips the same way. We have three kids, we don't have enough money, we don't have enough time, et cetera. Or is your script, I'm easy, I'm easygoing, whatever. I actually just like to wander around and see whatever's interesting. Or perhaps is it, I don't want to go to the tourist places, I want to go where the locals go.
I think it's really important for you to interrogate your own invisible scripts, these deeply held beliefs that you have, because they show up in what you do on your travel. For example, when I see people who book things minute by minute for 10 hours a day, I usually get the sense that there is scarcity involved, that they have an invisible belief: This is the only time we're going to be here, so we got to see everything. Maybe, but what if you change that invisible script to we're going to go here, we're going to have an incredible trip, and if we love it, we can always come back. That would dramatically change your experience. It would change your itinerary, and it would definitely change the way you feel about this trip.
When you are planning your trip, this is the time to dream, not to immediately shut yourself down by coming up with reasons that it's too expensive or too unrealistic, or we don't have the time for it. No, this is actually the time to encourage yourself and optionally your partner to say, "What if it were even more magical? Wouldn't it be cool if? What would you do if we could do anything?" And really get those juices flowing. A lot of times people are afraid to do this because they think if they open the door to this type of conversation, that they are then going to let themselves or their partner down if they can't actually deliver on it. That's the wrong way to look at this. There's actually connective power in being able to dream together. It doesn't mean you have to do everything that you brainstorm about, but just putting ideas out there and then the two of you, if you're planning this in a partnership, decide on what makes sense for your vision, for your level of affordability, for your time. That is actually the magic of the whole thing.
I find that people who have started on their personal finance journey sometimes do not know when they have done enough. They'll constantly ask, "What did I miss? I need to read 10 more subreddits. What about this one obscure thing that might happen?" And it doesn't feel good to constantly worry that you got something wrong. That is exactly why we created Road to $100K.
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Let's talk about time and how to avoid being booked minute to minute to minute for your entire trip. I understand the temptation and I have to admit, I've done this myself. Early on in our relationship, my wife used to plan our travel itineraries. Once we were in Bangkok and we had been out all day and we were going to come home and take a nap before we went out for a nighttime food tour, and things ran late and we ended up coming back. There was no time to take a nap. So we get back to the hotel room, we change our clothes, and then the food tour starts.
I remember being so irritable. Here we are, we're eating some of the best food in the world. Our travel guide was perfectly nice and I had a terrible food tour. It wasn't her, it wasn't the city, it was me. I was not at my best. I was really, really irritated. We're supposed to be having fun and I'm sweating and I don't enjoy any of this. She took the feedback, but then something really funny happened because we were planning our next trip and she goes, "Hey, can you take care of Thursday because I'm busy and can you just handle the Thursday part of the trip?" I said, "No problem." Thursday comes around on that trip, and I go, "Okay, here's what we're going to do today." And she just looks at me. I had packed that freaking day from morning to night the exact same way that she had done it. And I realized at that exact moment, "Oh my God, it's me."
The person traveling often does the very thing that they themselves don't want to experience, which is from the comfort of their home, they go, "Oh, that would be cool. That would be cool. Let's do that." It's like eating at a buffet. It all seems free. "I'll take that. I'll take that." But the problem is you actually have to do that and you are simply choosing like a checklist instead of saying, "What is the experience that we want to create?" And this actually opened up an amazing conversation for my wife and me where we talked about what is our travel style? What do we want to feel?
And we then created a new guideline for ourselves, which was we're going to one major activity per day. That might be a food tour. It might be going to see something. One major thing. You know what it is now? It's one every two days. That actually allows us to have so much open time. Now that rule works specifically for us because we tend to be taking longer trips. If we were going somewhere for four days and we said one major thing every two days, I don't know. That's not really seeing a lot when you're all the way across the world.
Some of our best travel memories have come from completely unscheduled time. We are not afraid of being unproductive when we travel. I love it. I find that when people think about just sitting around their hotel or just sometimes wandering, they go, "Oh, I'm supposed to be doing something. I'm here. This is the only time we're going to be here." The way I think about it is I am recuperating. I'm rejuvenating. It's almost like when I'm sitting at home watching hours of TV. I don't feel lazy. I don't feel guilt. I know that like a lion who's sitting and relaxing in the sun, when time calls for me to be active and to deliver, I'm going to be ready.
When we travel, we decide ahead of time how often we want to give ourselves time just to recover. Now, if you're taking a seven-day trip, you're going to adapt this for your own needs. You might decide that two of the days we're going to have a late start in the morning so everybody can just chill and do their own thing. That I've found is really, really rewarding. You might decide if you're going with your parents that every afternoon there's going to be a big block where they can come back to the hotel and take a nap before you go out for dinner. You decide.
By the way, this next part is the difference between a trip you remember forever and a trip that just feels like expensive logistics. Most people completely miss this. How I decide what's worth spending on.
When I was in college, my friends and I decided to take a grand old trip to Las Vegas. And so we got on our cheap Southwest Airlines for $59 or so and flew directly to Vegas. We got on the shuttle bus from the airport, which takes you to all the different resorts or whatever. And then we're the last ones left and the freaking bus driver gets on the mic and goes, "And now for our high rollers at Circus Circus." And we're like, "Yo, did we just get roasted by a bus driver? What the—" But he was right because that was the worst hotel in Vegas. And I know Circus Circus because that's where my parents used to take us as kids. They would take us to the cheapest casino anywhere. And they had a place for kids, play these games. They would give us $20 and say, "We'll see you back in about six hours. Have fun."
Well, guess what? We had an amazing trip. We loved it. We still joke about that bus driver. And knowing that we were there with our friends, it didn't matter that there were fancier casinos with better food. We didn't care about that. We were there to hang with each other. This is why it's so important to know that just having more money does not create amazing memories. Your memories are going to be created by the feelings you have, the connection with the people you're with and the stories that you are creating.
Now, my wife and I spend a lot more now than I spent on Circus Circus back in the day. But we've also learned that there are things we don't care about. For example, we've realized we don't care about fancy restaurants when we travel. We pretty much have our evenings completely clear because we're not making reservations for restaurants. It's just not that important to us, but we will happily spend tons of money on private experiences that are really relevant to what we like.
For example, we went to tour a special home that an architect had designed. Normally, if it was a room, I would walk in, I would say, "Oh, that's really pretty," and I would leave. We spent over an hour in this small room, and I had the chance to ask this architect about lighting design. Why did you choose these lights and not that? How do you think about the light coming in in the afternoon, but what about when it gets dark? I asked him about the texture on the walls. We asked him about his own home because he has kids. How do you design your home when you have children and things get messy? So this was over an hour just in one tiny room, and this might seem insane to you. You're like, "I'm bored. I want to go see other stuff." Perfect. Your Rich Life should confuse other people because true luxury is about getting exactly what you want in a way that you couldn't even possibly imagine.
Sometimes you choose not to experience what everybody else tells you to do because you realize you're not interested in it. When we were in Morocco, what do you know about Morocco? What do people do there? They go to see rugs. I've looked at Moroccan rugs. I'm not into them. I don't love the design. I much prefer Persian rugs or Indian design. So when we were offered multiple times to go look at different rug stores, I knew, not into it. I'm going to skip that. Can you imagine going to Morocco and not going to see how the rugs are made? I can because that's exactly what I did.
On the other hand, I went much deeper on different parts of that experience. I went to a textile store and got a coat made based on looking at all the different thread colors they had, choosing that one, seeing how they had people on the loom making these different clothing pieces, and then choosing my coat. I now have that coat and it feels incredibly meaningful to wear it knowing I saw how it was made. I went to a beautiful hotel and I took the general manager out for a walk and I asked him to tell me about the property. How was this property created? How did you staff it? How do you deliver the same service that you would deliver in India here in Morocco? Sounds freakishly weird, I know, but these are the things I love and your Rich Life should be doing more of the things you love.
Here's how I save for these magical trips without feeling guilty. If I know that a trip is going to cost, let's say $12,000 next year, and I'm going to go one year from now, then I divide by 12 and I automatically put aside $1,000 per month into a dedicated travel account and actually name that account. For example, Japan 2027 or family Italy trip. That way, by the time we get to take that trip, we already have saved for it. In fact, I intentionally oversave because I never want to be on vacation wondering if we can afford to have gelato when we're on this trip.
Now, how do you know how much it's going to cost? When you are first beginning your plan, you can actually come up with a number in about 10 minutes that's 85% accurate. The way you do this is you tackle the major cost drivers. For most people, those are flights and accommodations, and then there's some daily excursion or eating costs. But in general, if you get the flight part and the hotel part, that covers most of what your trip might entail.
Over time, we have developed simple guidelines for how much we spend on a daily basis. This is really common, for example, in luxury travel. People will often ask luxury travel advisors, "Hey, how much should I plan to spend?" They basically say about $1,000 to $2,000 per person per day. It used to be $1,000 pre-COVID. Now it's about $2,000 per person per day because hotel rates have gone way up. But that's actually really helpful to know whatever the number is for you, that over time,
You will be able to just approximate it by how many days you are going to stay. Remember, for most people, it is not anywhere near $2,000 per person per day. That's at a luxury level. Most people are not spending that much on hotels, et cetera.
I noticed that a lot of people have a very peculiar way of spending money, and that is throughout the year, they will spend on things randomly that they barely care about. "Hey, everybody, let's get this cool Tide Pod. It's so awesome." Then they become hyper frugal when they are vacationing on the very thing that they have been talking about for months and months. "I don't know if we can get that Dole Whip, honey. That's just too much for us." Why are you here? Why do you spend all this money mindlessly on things you don't even care about for 11.9 months of the year? Then when you're here with Dole Whip, you become this grumpy old guy. It's always guys, too, at Disney. "Why are we here? I hate my wife. What is this bullsh--?"
No, we actually want to focus on spending extravagantly on the things we love. If you have travel as one of your money dials, then it's important for you to make your money match that. That means not only are you going to plan, but you're actually going to overplan and oversave so that when you're there, you can have a sense of ease and abundance.
One of the biggest Rich Life principles is using systems so that you can spend guilt-free. You don't have to feel guilty buying this dinner when you're traveling because you know you're automatically saving, you're automatically investing, and you manage your fixed costs carefully. That is why I always encourage people to get my Conscious Spending Plan and know your numbers. You can grab that Conscious Spending Plan right here.
The secret to making a trip unforgettable. I had a really magical experience in my money coaching program. One of my students asked me this question, "Hey, I'm taking this trip with my family to Mexico and I want to do something extra special, but I just don't know what to do." Here's what I told them. You have the money, you have the opportunity to create an unforgettable trip, and the way you do it is by being thoughtful.
The trip starts the second that your parents leave their house. That is why you are going to arrange a car pickup for them and a nice car, a black car. They're going to go outside and for the first time ever, they're going to get in a black car. It's going to feel like, "Whoa, wow. This is kind of special." Then when they get to the airport, you're going to have somebody waiting at the airport to help them with their bags. This is an international trip. They're not accustomed to it. They're not used to having to use their passports. No problem. You've spent $100, $150. It's not that expensive to have somebody greet them.
When they arrive in Mexico, first time there, they're going to be a little bewildered. "What's happening? Oh, I don't know where to go." Not a problem because you have somebody there with a sign with their name waiting to greet them. They take them to their SUV. In the SUV, they have cold water. They have beers if they want it, cold towels, and the driver, very professional, uniformed, tells them, "It'll be 25 minutes until we get to the resort."
As they arrive at the resort, they can't believe it. They feel comfortable. They're not sweating like they expected, and somebody helps them with their bags. They go, "No, no. I can take it," and you've reminded them before, "Let them help." They walk hands-free into a hotel. They're already greeted because the front desk knows who they are. They say, "Mr. and Mrs. Sethi, welcome. We've been expecting you. In fact, we have a welcome drink for you here." They've got all their information. They say, "We have a note for you from your daughter," and here it is. It's a handwritten note. You've left it for them, and you say, "Mom, there's a spa appointment waiting for you. They'll take you there right now. Dad, we're over by the pool. They're going to bring you over to us right now." This is just the first few minutes of them being on this trip, and it has already become something like they've never experienced before.
Over the next few days, you have leisurely breakfast, no rush. You have a cooking class at one point where everybody gets their hands dirty, and you're making this, and you eat it. You have a photographer set up to take pictures because these are rare moments where the entire family is together, and you want these photos captured professionally with these beautiful high-res photos.
At dinner, you have stories. Everybody tells a story about something that you have already thought about. You have photos of each of them when they were younger. "You tell us about this story. What were you wearing here? What kind of clothes did people wear in the '70s?" you're asking them, and you are remembering and creating new memories. This is more valuable than any larger hotel room ever will do because you did not simply throw money at the problem. You actually were thoughtful. That's what I would do.
Ask for what you want. I first want to say you don't have to be an a**hole when you ask for what you want. You can ask for what you want and be super respectful, and sometimes they can't give it to you, and that's okay as well.
When I arrive at a hotel, for example, we have sent a pre-arrival letter at the type of hotels we stay at. They actually love receiving these because it helps them serve the guests better, and we tell them, for example, "Hey, we're not really into wine," which typically they have a bottle of wine waiting in your room as a welcome gift. We much prefer berries or some local fruit. Amazing. We're asking. Sometimes they don't have local fruit. Fine, but at least we know what we like, and we're going to respectfully ask.
Here's the principle. If you don't shape the experience yourself, you will usually end up with a mediocre version of what everybody else does. You have to remember that when you go on a trip, they are catering to the average traveler. Makes perfect sense. Most people, by definition, are average, but because you're watching my videos and you understand the concept of a Rich Life, you can actually be specific about what you want.
As an example, one time my friend and I were taking a food tour, and the typical food tour was something like four hours. We said to them, "Look, we'd actually like to have this food tour be two and a half hours. Can you make that work?" It was a private tour. She goes, "Of course," and that's what we did. We could have ended up doing four hours, "Oh, God, another thing," and we have to be polite to this food tour person, but we actually just spoke up and told them ahead of time what we hoped we could achieve, and they were happy to do it.
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One of my favorite travel memories is when my wife and I decided to go to Ranthambore, which is a tiger safari place in India, and because one of our core values is relationships, we decided to invite some of our family to come with us. We invited my mom and aunt, two sisters, to join us, and even though they were born and raised in India, they have never been there.
We get on the train from New Delhi, and we're already having an adventure. We bought these first-class seats, and I thought first-class Delta? No. It was like first-class in an Indian train, which was a sleeper car, so we're like, "All right, this is not really what we expected," but they had clean sheets, we lay down, we wake up in the morning, and we're like, "Oh, this is okay. We're close here."
We walk outside, and suddenly, there are multiple uniformed porters there. They take our bags, they guide us to these beautiful SUVs, and they drive us to the hotel. We were staying at the Oberoi. That's my favorite hotel brand, very high-end and ultra luxurious, especially in India. We get there, there's a greeting ceremony, and immediately, we let my mom and aunt know, "Don't worry about the bags. They'll take care of them. We have a spa appointment for you waiting." They have their own room. It's beautiful. It's luxurious. We go out for a tiger safari the next day. That's awesome. We didn't see any tigers, unfortunately, but it was quite adventurous. We're all outside, and the road is bumpy.
At the resort, I pulled the chef aside one night, and I said, "I would love to create a special dinner for my family, my wife, my mom, my aunt. They're all here. I know where they grew up, and I know their favorite dishes, and I would love to create a meaningful menu based on where they are from." He loved it. He said, "Let's sit down. Tell me where they grew up. What's your wife's favorite dish, paneer?"
He created this menu, and so I told them one night, I said, "You know what? For dinner this evening, just be ready around 6:30. I have something special for you." They were all like, "Hmm, okay. We don't really know what it's about." We're in the middle of nowhere, so it's clear we're not going somewhere else. We are on property. We get in a golf cart, and we are driven. "So where are we going?" And we turn a corner. There's hundreds of candles. There's beautiful Rajasthani music that starts playing, and they greet us, and there's the chefs over in the corner, and we are taken to our table, where the menu personalized for us that night is presented.
And you can hear the surprise in my mom's voice, my aunt's voice, my wife's voice. The memory that I will never forget is my aunt saying, "Why did you do this for us?" And I thought to myself, "This is the whole point of money." And to be able to create these magical experiences to let people know that they are valued, that they are loved, that's it. That's a Rich Life.
And if you can learn how to create one unforgettable meal, you can create one unforgettable trip. And if you can create one unforgettable trip, then you can learn how to create an unforgettable life. I want you to think about this. What is one specific thing that would make your next trip unforgettable? Not luxury, not business class, but something meaningful. Maybe it's a cooking class with your kids. Maybe it's a month in Tokyo. Maybe it's taking your parents somewhere they never imagined visiting and making it easy for them. Put that in the comments.
And if you want to learn how I spend extravagantly on the things I love, without wasting money on the things I don't, watch this video next.
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