Chronologically 31, "Physically 78": Bryan Johnson Audits Comedian Trevor Wallace's Burnout Routine
Bryan Johnson
Comedian Trevor Wallace came to Bryan Johnson's Don't Die podcast with a problem many ambitious people will recognize. He works long days, runs on caffeine, eats whatever is convenient, and wakes up feeling worse than he thinks a 31-year-old should. Wallace said that after watching Johnson's videos he feels like he is "doing everything wrong." Johnson invited him to his clinic for a series of age-related tests. In the conversation, Johnson argues that most of Wallace's problems start with sleep, and that fixing sleep comes before diet or exercise. The episode ends with Wallace's test results, which Johnson uses to argue that the body ages at different speeds in different systems.
A Leftover-Pasta Breakfast and a Body That Feels Older
When Johnson asked what he eats, Wallace answered "not good" and described what he called one of the wildest breakfasts of his life, eaten that morning. It was homemade leftover pasta from the day before, stored and microwaved in plastic, topped with butter and parmesan, alongside leftover deviled eggs. He ate it around 9 a.m., shortly after waking up and having a coffee.
He said he did not feel great afterward. He felt lethargic, his neck felt "off," and he wasn't sure whether bad sleep was to blame. He also mentioned a hurt wrist and an elbow that felt "a little torn," and said waking up had been painful. Johnson summed it up as a joke: "chronologically 31, but physically 78." This was banter, not a test result. The actual measurements came later.
Always Tired: 14-Hour Days and the Weekend Reset That Stopped Working
Asked how he feels in general, Wallace said the older he gets, the more he relates to Post Malone's "always tired" tattoo. He described himself as a hard worker who puts in 14-hour days, making videos during the day and doing stand-up at night. He usually blames his tiredness on overwork. In his early twenties, sleeping in as long as possible on Saturday used to "reset the week." Now, he said, sleeping in leaves him more tired.
The night before the taping, he went to bed around 11 and woke at 7, which he called unusual. His normal pattern is closer to 2 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. Because he was meeting Johnson, he rode his Peloton that morning for 21 minutes and about five miles. He said that on days when he is well rested the difference is "night and day." He feels so good that he wonders why he can't feel that way every day. He guessed at the causes: maybe the food, maybe eating too late, maybe stimulants. His usual pattern is coffee in the morning and often a Celsius energy drink around 2 p.m.
The Convenience Trap
Asked how health looks from where he stands, Wallace said everyone seems to run on convenience. Products cram as much as possible into one item, such as a breakfast Pop-Tart with 20 grams of protein or a drink with "everything you need." He compared this to a Four Loko–style mash-up. He described Los Angeles as endless Sweetgreen and Cava variants, with everything else coming through DoorDash or Postmates.
Johnson said he had been in a similar position a few years earlier. He wanted to feel good and be healthy but didn't know what to do, and he found the available information hard to make sense of. He asked Wallace why basic health practices feel so confusing. Wallace's explanation was about priorities. People follow the crowd and put work and family first, so when they're running late they "grab something real quick." He listed examples from his own life: a SlimFast with two slices of bologna, or, before a show, nine almonds and a 5-hour Energy. He doesn't like to eat much before performing but wants caffeine. Sometimes, he said, he feels like he might faint on stage.
Johnson asked whether caffeine is actually necessary for his shows. Wallace said it isn't, but he likes it. If a show goes only okay, he wonders whether it would have gone better if he had been more caffeinated, more present, more "wired." He admitted it is mostly routine at this point.
Wallace also described his upbringing as healthy: salad at every dinner and well-balanced lunches from his mother. The lunches were nice enough that he got teased for bringing prosciutto sandwiches to middle school. He said he has a good metabolism and doesn't know where he's going wrong, though his sleep "could be better." He also complained about conventional medical visits with rushed physicians and staff he doesn't trust. What he wants are people who will give him concrete, practical direction. He said that once Johnson suggested putting olive oil in coffee, he did it all week, and he called the result "incredible."
The early conversation also included a joking detour about the penis shockwave therapy device at Johnson's clinic. Johnson said clinicians had told him the erect state is probably better because of greater tissue exposure during treatment, and he described the therapy as painful but tolerable. The two joked that "health-maxing BDSM parties" might become a thing. This was banter and not part of the advice that followed.
Rule One: The Day Begins the Night Before
Johnson framed Wallace's shows as "peak life experience" and gave advice built around that schedule. His first principle is that "the day begins the night before at your bedtime." Wallace's shows are around 7 to 9 p.m., and he said that, honestly, he could get to bed around 1 a.m.
Asked whether the timing of bedtime matters, Johnson said it does. He cited a recent study that he said found people who did not get half their restorative sleep by 4 a.m. had a higher likelihood of developing diabetes. His recommendation was to pick a bedtime, such as midnight or 12:30, and keep it within about 30 minutes every day. Johnson's explanation is that consistency lets the body learn the routine and "deploy all of our systems" in sync at the same time each night.
Rule Two: Eat Earlier and Lighter
Johnson's second lever is the timing of the last meal. He eats three meals between 6 a.m. and 11 a.m., totaling about 2,250 calories, so his last meal is roughly nine hours before bed. His reasoning is that primary digestion takes about six hours. After that, the body is mostly done, though the large intestine still has work to do. He said that by bedtime his resting heart rate is about 44 beats per minute, and his body can "allocate all my resources to sleeping." If you eat late, he argued, the body is busy digesting and has fewer metabolic resources for sleep.
Wallace currently eats dinner around 6 or 7 p.m. and then has a post-show snack, anything from apple and peanut butter to a quesadilla. Johnson suggested keeping the early dinner and dropping the late snack. Wallace joked that an 11 a.m. cutoff would make dating hard. Johnson said that on a 7 p.m. date he could eat something light, like steamed vegetables or a light soup. The things to avoid are "big loads" like peanut butter or a cheesy quesadilla, which Johnson said create large blood glucose spikes right before sleep.
The cost of eating late, in Johnson's account, is deep sleep. He said the restorative, "brain cleansing" deep sleep happens early in the night, and if you miss it you can't make it up later: "That moment arrives. If you don't get it, it's gone." He suggested Wallace experiment by moving his last meal earlier and making it lighter, trying 5 p.m. and then 4 p.m. He warned that Wallace would feel some hunger at bedtime but might wake up feeling so much better that the trade-off is clearly worth it. Wallace said he would do that "in a heartbeat."
Rule Three: A Caffeine Cutoff
Wallace asked what to do when he's in bed at 12:30 and still feels the caffeine. Johnson said caffeine has a half-life of about six hours. In his example, 200 milligrams before a 7 p.m. show would leave about 100 milligrams in the system around bedtime. He added the caveat that people metabolize caffeine at different speeds. His general rule for Wallace was no caffeine past about noon.
Johnson also suggested that if Wallace gets his sleep right, he might not need caffeine at all. He described a loop in which bad sleep leads to more caffeine and more caffeine leads to bad sleep, and he encouraged Wallace to try weaning himself off.
Rule Four: A Wind-Down Ritual for Post-Show Adrenaline
The fourth element is a wind-down routine with no screens and dim lights. Wallace said this is the hardest part for him. He comes off a stage lit by a "blinding spotlight," with endorphins that stay high for 30 minutes or longer, and then has to go to sleep. Johnson pointed to the stage light itself as a problem because of its blue light. He said he had recently spoken on a stage with similar lighting. Even after asking the crew to turn it down, he said his sleep dropped by about 25%.
Wallace explained why this matters to him. When he's well rested, his writing, performing, and filming are much better. When he's short on sleep, he tries to "supplement" with Lion's Mane and coffee.
Johnson then described how he handles the mental side. He imagined Wallace getting home or back to a hotel and replaying the show: what worked, what didn't, the exchange with someone in the crowd. Johnson said everyone does this kind of reconciliation. His own technique is to talk to himself as though different versions of himself are present. He describes "comedian Bryan," who has just come off stage, and "sleep Bryan," who is about to take over. When a thought about a missed delivery comes up, he acknowledges it, thanks it, writes it down for tomorrow, and says that right now he is in sleep mode. Wallace compared this to putting his phone on Do Not Disturb. Johnson agreed and extended the idea: there is an ambitious self, a worried self, a friend self, and a lover self, all chiming in. Wallace joked that he always thinks about his exes at bedtime. Johnson's answer was the same: acknowledge the thought and don't engage with it during wind-down.
Johnson argued that if you go to bed wound up, you'll dream about those things, pop in and out of light sleep, and wake up unrested. He said winding down takes about 30 to 60 minutes depending on the person. A walk helps, and so does reading a physical book, because a mind with nothing to focus on is vulnerable to intrusive thoughts.
He gave Wallace a metric to track: heart rate before bed, measured by feeling his pulse or with a wearable. Johnson predicted that with earlier eating, less caffeine, and a wind-down routine, Wallace could lower his pre-bed heart rate by 20 to 30% over two or three weeks. He predicted sleep quality would then probably improve by 30 to 40%. He presented both numbers as his bet, not as measured outcomes. Asked for the worst things to do before bed, Johnson listed being on your phone, eating, fighting, doing something arousing, and being anxious. Wallace said his bedroom lights are too bright and have no dimmer. Johnson called lighting "hugely impactful."
Johnson's overall ordering was to master sleep first, then change a few things in the diet, then add some exercise. He noted that pasta is probably not a top breakfast choice. Wallace recognized the pattern in his own habits. He works out, takes Lion's Mane, and drinks coffee to feel good for shows, all to make up for bad sleep rather than simply getting good sleep.
A Family Plasma Exchange
Wallace asked about Johnson's well-known blood experiment with his son. Johnson explained that it started with his father, who called him in a panic. His father had written something at work, walked away, and come back to find it a "jumbled mess." He said he was losing his mind. What scared him most was that he hadn't noticed it happening. He asked if there was anything he could do.
Johnson said his team had been looking at plasma exchange, which he described as showing early interest for cognitive decline. He offered his father a liter of his plasma. His son overheard and wanted to join, so they made it "a family affair": the son gave plasma to Johnson, and Johnson gave plasma to his father. Johnson said he didn't feel any different, which didn't surprise him because his biomarkers are nearly identical to his 18-year-old son's. The gap between Johnson and his 71-year-old father is large, however. According to Johnson, his father's speed of aging dropped by 25 years after the transfusion, which he called a dramatic effect.
Wallace's Test Results
Johnson then went through Wallace's clinic results one test at a time.
- Skin age: Wallace's skin came out at a biological age of 35. Johnson set a goal of reversing it by four years, mainly with sunscreen. He said the sun is good for mood and vitamin D, but "the sun is not free": any time in the sun causes some skin damage. He said you can wear sunscreen and still get vitamin D. His own practice is to get sun in the early morning and late afternoon but not when the UV index is high.
- Spirometry (lung function): Wallace was in the 99th percentile. Johnson explained that the ranges are set by age group, so this put him at roughly the level of an 18-year-old. They joked that it fits someone who talks for a living.
- AGE Reader: This test measures advanced glycation end products, which Johnson called "junk in the skin." Wallace scored 1.6, which corresponds to age 36.5.
- Grip strength: Wallace gripped 111 lbs, the 72nd percentile. Johnson said his own score was 134 lbs, the 99th percentile. Johnson said Wallace would need about 15.8 more pounds to reach the 99th percentile of all men, and the way to get there is working out.
- Sit-and-reach: Wallace reached 10 inches, the 15th percentile. He objected that nobody in the Midwest could stretch more than three inches. Johnson said adding 13 inches, to 23, would put him in the 99th percentile.
- One-leg stand: Wallace held for 14 seconds, which put him in the 1st percentile. He accused Johnson of "gaslighting" him, because he had been told on the day that he did well. Johnson said his own time was two minutes and that the norms come from a published data set. When he mentioned that the reference range was 19 to 34 seconds, Wallace said he had simply gotten bored and would have kept going if he'd known.
- Sit-to-stand: Wallace scored 10 out of 10, a perfect score.
Why Age Is Complicated, and Where Health Fits With Ambition
Asked to sum up, Johnson said Wallace is biologically somewhat older than 31 in his skin and a few other markers, but much younger in others, such as his lungs. Johnson used this to make his larger point. When you look at the whole body, which he described as more than 70 organs plus physical capacity, it ages at different speeds: the brain differs from the lungs, and the lungs differ from balance. Measuring these systems, he argued, shows you where to focus and makes good health concrete, because you can test it instead of guessing.
Johnson's closing message was about priorities. He said the culture ranks ambition first, and ambition pushes out health. People skip sleep and live unhealthily in pursuit of status, wealth, power, and accomplishment. His view is that people can still pursue those things and will do them better if they make health their top priority and track it with numbers. Now, he told Wallace, he has a baseline to build from.
Wallace said he felt good and "younger mentally" after the session. He was most excited to put the sleep changes into practice, down to details like the window tint he noticed at the clinic. None of that had happened yet at the time of recording, so whether Johnson's predicted 20 to 30% drop in pre-bed heart rate and better sleep quality actually materialize remains untested in the episode.
If I piece this together, like wrist is hurt, elbow feels a little torn, you feel a little lethargic. It was kind of painful waking up today. Yes. You're 31. Chronologically 31, but physically 78.
Today, comedian Trevor Wallace joins me on Don't Die. You've heard his sketches. So, it is a real Cybertruck if you want to take a photo. Wow. And heard him on Stiff Socks. If I'm putting anything in, I'm putting in my credit card and CVV and I'm paying for something. And no, he's never afraid to say exactly what's on his mind.
I hate my doctor. It's always some random physician who's in a hurry. The nurse is like sweating. She's smoking a cigarette being like, "Well, you smoke or drink?" I'm like, "No, but you do."
Today, we're going to put his health under a microscope. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong after I watch a video of yours. Is he as young as he acts? When do you shock your penis? Or is he faking it? We are health maxing BDSM. Yeah. Based on all the therapies I've done, I can absolutely see that becoming a thing. BDSM health parties. Let's find out.
I invited Trevor to my clinic for a series of age tests. Later today, I'll reveal his results. We'll see how his biology compares to his chronological age and where he stands against the general population.
You fascinate me, man. Yeah, you're, I think the world is fascinated by you. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong after I watch a video of yours or I listen to you talk. I feel like I'm not doing anything right. Yeah. You know, like honestly that's, I felt the past couple years like why didn't people teach me this stuff when I was young?
Yeah. I mean, from your vantage point, what does health look like in the world today? Like I mean, what do you see happening? Like what's funny? What's ironic, funny, hypocritical?
I feel like we're all going off convenience and it's just we're putting as much of one, we're putting as much substance into one thing where it's like it's a breakfast Pop-Tart but it has 20 grams of protein, or it's a drink but it's got everything you need in one. So it's like we're just taking, we're like making a Four Loko amalgamation of just like put it in one thing where I don't know. I feel like there's a thousand different Sweetgreen variants. That's all LA is. Sweetgreen, Cavas. There's that. Everything is DoorDash or Postmates. I feel like I don't know. I'm not good with food. I think that's why I'm here. I don't know.
Yeah. What do you eat? Not good. Really? How do you like, where do you— Can I tell you my breakfast? Just to fire off. Crazy morning. Yeah. Today. One of the wildest mornings I think I've ever had for breakfast. Okay. Leftover pasta from yesterday. Correct. At a restaurant? Homemade. Okay. But is stored and microwaved in plastic. Oh no. Sorry to say the P word. Little bit of butter parmesan on it next to some deviled eggs leftovers. Deviled eggs and butter pasta. Yeah. 9:00 a.m. Right when you woke up. Relatively. Woke up, had a coffee.
And how'd you feel after eating it? I don't feel great. Really? No. Like you felt lethargic. Yeah. And I don't know if it was a bad sleep. My neck kind of feels off. Oh, no. That's what I'm saying. So, like, okay, so if I piece this together, like wrist is hurt, elbow feels a little torn. Like you feel a little lethargic. It was kind of painful waking up today. Yes. You're 31. Yes. So chronologically 31, but physically 78. Yeah. Interesting. Like we don't know how others feel, but like generally how do you feel in life?
Mentally or physically? Say both. Wow. I feel, yeah. I feel like the older I get, the more I think about Post Malone's tattoo that says always tired. And I'm like, "Yeah, it checks out." I always feel tired, but I'm a hard worker. I work 14-hour days. Yeah. You know, I do video stuff in the daytime, then I go do stand-up at night. So, it's kind of always around the clock. So, when I'm tired, I go, "Oh, it's cuz I'm working too much." And I used to just rely on if I can sleep in on Saturday for as long as I can, that'll reset the week. That's what I used to be able to do when I was 22, 23. But now, I do that, and now I'm like more tired when I wake up.
What time did you go to bed last night? Relatively early. 11. 11. And you woke up what time? 7, which is rare. I usually do like 2 to 9:30. That's pretty average. It's like 7ish hours. Yes. Today I was actually on my health and wellness. Woke up, rode the Peloton. You did? I was like, listen, I'm meeting the youngest man in the world. I need to get my heart rate in line for this. This is in your building or at your house? This is at my place. Yeah. 15 minutes on the Peloton or what? 21. 21 minutes. It was 20 minutes when I was like, let's give an extra one. Yeah. Five miles though. Yeah. Me and Cody just cranking. Yeah. Just going 8 a.m.
Yeah. Like those days when I'm well rested, it's a night and day difference. I'm like kissing butterflies. Like I am so happy. I'm like, why can't I have this feeling every day? Yeah. There's a good opportunity to feel a lot better in life. Yes. I just think maybe I'm eating not the best food or I'm eating too late, or I think of a lot of stimulants in my life where it's like, you know, I have a coffee in the morning and then like maybe a Celsius at like two. Yeah. So I don't know. Yeah.
When do you shock your penis? Talking about Celsius and electricity. Yeah. I mean, I have that device there in the clinic. So, we were— Why wasn't that a part of my test? That was— Well, we're trying. Yeah. I'm like warming up. We're becoming friends. I do want to share. Oh, we're becoming friends, but I can't just come out and be like, "Also, do you want a penis shock routine?" You don't understand. I'm here for anything and everything. I could legit do it on you. The penis shock. Yeah. There's actually two theories on it. So, you either are flaccid or erect. That's life, you know.
Yeah. I was talking to a few clinicians the other day and I was asking them which one is better. They're saying probably the erect penis because you're getting greater tissue exposure. Like in public during the therapy? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's a little early to be erected, Bryan. I can— Well, this is what I'm saying. This is why we have to become friends first, because like you have to slowly step into the conversation, because like it really does, and also it's pretty painful, but it's tolerably painful, like you know you're doing a good thing.
So you're into like BDSM stuff? No, I'm not. But I can see it making its way into that world. Certainly. Okay. As long as it's around the right hour. Oh, you can see like an absolute branch of BDSM coming out now. It's like we are health maxing BDSM. Yeah, based on all the therapies I've done, I can absolutely see that becoming a thing. BDSM health parties.
Yeah, I'm here for anything and everything. I hate my doctor. It's always some random physician who's in a hurry. The nurse is like sweating. She's smoking a cigarette being like, "Well, you smoke or drink?" I'm like, "No, but you do." So, like, I want to meet people who are real people who are like, "Yes, you should ice bath. No, you shouldn't do this. You should eat this, drink that." Like, the second you're like, "Put olive oil in your coffee," guess what I'm doing the rest of the week? I'm putting olive oil in my coffee. Yeah. By the way, how was that? It's incredible. How's it going? Yeah, it's great.
Yeah. Growing up, was your family trying to be healthy? Were you guys? Yeah, it was very healthy. Salad every dinner. My mom would make like a well-balanced lunch for me. Nice lunch. I used to get bullied for how nice my lunch was. You ever had prosciutto in your sandwich in middle school? Wow. Mom, good job. Yeah, kids were not hip to that. Yeah. I would eat it alone. I would eat it like in class before lunch, cuz I would rather be the kid at lunch being like, I didn't bring a lunch, I'm too cool. But like I just had a— Yeah. So being healthy is like, it's natural. It's— Yeah, I think so. For you. Yeah. And I've got a really good metabolism. I just, I don't know where I'm going wrong. Yeah. And my sleep could be better maybe.
What do you make of this? Like I mean I was in your situation a few years ago as well. What do you mean by that? Like I wanted to feel good. Okay. I wanted to be healthy. Yes. And I just didn't know what to do. And when I surveyed the world, I'm like, how do you make sense of this? Yeah. So I understand the sentiment. And so why, like why is society like this? Like why is it so confusing to have these basic health practices? What's your take?
Because we just kind of follow suit, and you tend to prioritize work and family over anything, and you're like, "Oh, I'm running late to work. Let me just grab something real quick." "Oh, I'm running late to blank. Let me just go grab something real quick." Like the amount of times I've had like a SlimFast and like two pieces of like baloney. I'm like, I can't be running off this. Especially with stand-up, I don't like to eat a lot before shows, but I want caffeine. Yeah. So, I have, you know, nine almonds and a 5-hour Energy, and I'm like, get to work, body. Yeah. And then sometimes I feel like I'm going to faint on stage.
Do you think caffeine is needed on stage when you're doing your shows? I don't think it's needed, but I like it. Cuz if I get off stage and I go, "That was a cool show. Could have been better," then in my head, I'm thinking, well, it could have been better had I been more caffeinated. Had I been more like present, more like wired. I like it, but it's more so like just my routine at this point. Yeah.
So, I'd say, listening to what you're talking about today with your shows, I would give you a couple tips for your shows. Yeah. Let's go more specific with that, because I have a lot of caffeine late at night, at like 9 or 10 p.m., doing shows. I'm jacked up and I'm still riding off the show's endorphins. Yes. It's like, let's say it's 1:00 in the morning. I did a show, I had a coffee 3 or 4 hours ago, and I'm still like, how can I like wind down?
Yeah. Cool. See, cuz I would say like I would imagine you doing your shows as like peak life experience, where like you're being the best you. Correct. Okay, cool. So, yeah, if I were you, I would do the following things. Like one, I would say the day begins the night before at your bedtime. Yes. So, I would say pick a bedtime. So, your shows are probably like 7, 8, 9 p.m. Correct. And so, you can get to bed at what time? 12 or 1. Probably one more if we're being— Yeah. Honest. Yeah. So, does it really matter when you go to bed?
Kind of. There was a study that came out recently that people who didn't get in half their restorative sleep by 4:00 a.m. had a higher chance of getting diabetes. It was a bigger likelihood. So, if you can try to make midnight your bedtime, or 12:30, just choose your time. Yeah. And then be consistent every day. So, plus or minus 30 minutes, that consistency is going to help your body basically say like, "Okay, we now know the routine. Every day at this time, we're going to deploy all of our systems and we're going to be in sync." So that consistency is really important. Yeah.
Two is the last meal of the day. I eat my last meal of the day at 11:00 a.m. So that's like 9 hours before I go to bed. And is it only one meal or how many meals do you have? I eat three meals. So it's between 6 a.m. and 11:00 a.m. So you're cranking like a steak at 11:00 a.m.? Yeah. 2,250 calories. But the reason I do this is because primary digestion takes 6 hours. And so after that point, your body is like mostly done with it. You still have some large intestine and stuff to do, but by the time I go to bed, my resting heart rate is about 44 beats per minute, which is very low. Exactly. And so my body is basically done with the task of digesting food, and then it can say, now I'm going to allocate all my resources to sleeping. But if you eat, your body's busy digesting, which means you have less metabolic resources to sleep.
And so for you, I'd say like just start. What time is your last meal of the day now? They'll probably eat dinner around like six or seven, and then when I get home we'll have like a snack after the shows, which is anywhere from apple and peanut butter to quesadilla. Yeah. So I'd say like try to keep your six or seven, and then don't eat after the show.
I was just going to say, I mean, like last meal at 11:00 a.m., is that a crazy outreach if you're trying to go on a date? Say, "Hey, you want to go to dinner at 10:45 a.m.?" Yeah. So you could actually go on a date. So, if you go out, let's say you're on a date at 7 p.m., just do something very light, like some steamed vegetables or something like that, or a light soup. Oh, that won't work up the metabolism. Yeah. You just don't want a big load. Like peanut butter is a big load. Carbs like a quesadilla and cheese, that's a big load. It's like you're creating these big blood glucose spikes, right? So, you're asking the body to do a lot and you're going to sleep. And what's going to happen is when you do that, you're going to miss your deep sleep. So in the early parts of the night is when you get your deep sleep, the restorative, like brain-cleansing sleep. If you miss it, you can't get it back. It passes. So you can't just be like, "Oh, I'm going to go to bed 4 hours later and pick up my deep later." That moment arrives. If you don't get it, it's gone. Okay?
And then like as you experiment with this, try to go earlier and lighter every day. So try like a 5:00 p.m., try a 4 p.m. You're going to experience a little bit of hunger pains, but just work with it. Just make the trade-off and then see how you feel in the morning, because you may feel a little hungry before you go to bed, but in the morning you may just feel amazing and be like, absolutely worth it. I would do that in a heartbeat.
So, what do I do if I'm laying in bed at 12:30 and I go, "Okay, I need to go to sleep, but I still feel the effects of caffeine"? Yeah. So, caffeine has a 6-hour half-life. So, if you have, let's call it, 200 milligrams of caffeine right before your show, let's say 7, by 1:00 a.m., half that caffeine is still in your system. So, it's 100 milligrams in your system when you're going to bed. Now, there's caveats, like everyone metabolizes caffeine differently. You may be fast, you may be slow, but like generally speaking. So, the rule for you would be probably no caffeine past noonish. But if you nail your sleep, maybe you'll find you won't need caffeine. Interesting. That might be the best thing, because it creates this loop, right, where bad sleep creates more caffeine, more caffeine creates bad sleep. But if you can wean yourself off caffeine, I would just try it. Okay.
So, yeah. Eat earlier and lighter. Have a bedtime you hit every single night. Try to do caffeine no later than noon, and try to just lessen that. And then also, a wind-down routine. Yeah. Which is no screens, dim lights. That's right. And you're basically trying to calm your body down because you just did a show. That's the hardest part, is you're in front of literally a blinding spotlight and your endorphins are through the roof. Yeah. You're riding that high for a good 30 minutes after the show. Yeah. Sometimes longer. And it's just so hard to go from that to sleep. Exactly. That, and that stage light is so much blue light. Yeah.
I spoke the other night on a stage that had that kind of lighting, and you were like, "We got to—" I was like, you guys can turn this down. Yeah. But they did, and even still my sleep lessened by like 25% with that huge blast. Oh, is that why I have a spotlight and you don't? You guys are trying to give me a bad sleep tonight. You go. Okay, I see what's going on here. Yeah. Okay.
And then what's the best thing you can have first thing in the morning? So, wait, on the wind-down routine. Yes, wind-down. It's night and day when I'm well rested. Creativity— I can't even say the word creativ— you know what I mean? Yeah. Creatively. Creatively, yes. Writing, performing, filming, it's so
much better and that's why I think now I try to cram where it's like okay I'm tired but let me take some Lion's Mane and have a coffee and I think that that'll supplement the lack of sleep.
Okay so on your wind-down routine, so I would imagine you get home or you're back to the hotel and you're running loops about your show, like what you said, what you did well, what you didn't do well, that interaction with person in the crowd, like maybe you hit it, maybe you didn't, but you're like trying to reconcile the entire event. Yeah. You're trying to improve the jokes you missed, you know, find new ones to say, like you're doing your whole reconciliation of life, which everyone does.
And so for me, what I do is I talk to myself and I say, "Okay, like there's comedian Bryan who's just on stage and now we're going to transition to sleep Bryan." And so when the thought comes in of like the timing on that delivery was just missed because of whatever, I have to speak to myself and say, okay, thank you, you know, comedian Bryan, for that suggestion, definitely going to incorporate this tomorrow and I'll write this down right now so we make sure we see it, but right now I'm in sleep mode and right now we're calming ourselves down.
Yeah. I do it with my phone every night, put on do not disturb. So you're doing that mentally. Exactly. Because there's different versions of you. There's like ambitious you and there's worry you and there's like friend you and there's lover you and they're all chiming in. Yeah. You're trying to sort through all these emotions.
Yeah. I'm always thinking about like my exes when I'm going to bed. Like this can't be good for my sleep score. Yeah. And I text them that. I say, "You're messing up my REM. Stop texting me. I don't miss you." I do. I do.
Yeah, but like it's like this real serious ritual where if you are your thoughts, like if thoughts drop in your mind and you become aware of the thought, you're like now I have to address this thought, right? It's either about an ex or about work or about whatever. The other way is just say I acknowledge you, thought, but I'm not going to address you in this moment, like right now we're in wind-down mode and you're trying to like breathe out the pressure.
And then if you do that, if you get good enough, you just lay your head on the pillow and then when you go to bed you're not going to be so wound up on those things and you'll have a much higher chance of sleeping through the night in a restful way. Otherwise, as you know, if you go to bed wound up and thinking, you're going to dream about those things all night long. So, you kind of like pop in and out of sleep and you'll wake up not feeling rested because you've been in this light sleep all night long.
Interesting. And how long does a wind-down take? Hour? Depends on the person. Yeah. 30, 60 minutes. So, you can do things to combat it, like you can go for a walk. I love reading a book, like book in hand. So it's when your mind has nothing to focus on, it's going to be vulnerable to these thoughts that come in. Correct. If you've got a book and like you're reading something, it keeps you focused. It's so much easier to calm your nervous system down. But it's like 30 to 60 minutes to get your body in a calm state.
So here's the metric for you: if there's a way you can measure your heart rate, either just feel your pulse or have some kind of device like a wearable, watch your heart rate. So do this over the next two or three weeks and I bet you through the combination of eating earlier, taking down the caffeine, doing your wind-down routine, I bet you you can drop your heart rate by 20 to 30% before going to bed. Yeah. Okay. When you do that, your sleep is going to probably increase by 30 to 40% in quality. It will be such a dramatic change for you.
And what's the worst thing you can do before going to sleep? Just be on your phone. Yeah. Eat. Be on your phone. Be in a fight, do something arousing, be anxious. Yeah. Yeah. Like those things will wreck sleep. Yeah. I gotta get in my, I gotta rig it up, get some gaff and lighting in my room. Yeah. It's too bright. It's one mode. No dimmer. Yeah. Yeah. Light is hugely impactful for sleep.
I'm betting honestly that if you get sleep right, then you can start chipping away at the other things like food. And I agree with you, like pasta is probably not top of the list of things you want to eat for breakfast. Yeah. Yeah. And that's coming from a man who has dinner at 9:00 a.m. Yeah. So, master sleep first, then just a few things in the diet, and then incorporate a little exercise, and you will feel like a different human.
Yeah. Because now I'm doing so much to make up for my bad sleep. It's like, okay, if I work out, I'll feel good for this show. If I take Lion's Mane, I'll feel good for the show. If I have coffee, I'll feel good for this show, instead of just getting good sleep? Yes.
I have a question. Was it a hard pitch to get your son's blood? Or did you give him your blood? I gave my dad my blood. Yes. Yeah. So I mean what happened is my father called me and he was in a panic and he said I have too much blood. Too much blood. What can I do with it?
He said I was just working on this thing at work and I wrote this stuff on paper. I walked away, came back and I realized it's a jumbled mess. He said, "I'm losing my mind." And I didn't know it. It was like he was in an absolute panic because he imagined if he began losing his mind, he would have self-awareness like, "Oh, I'm losing my mind because I'm forgetting something." But he did this thing, walked away and came back. He's like, "What? Like, I just did this and I couldn't see it." And so he's like, "Is there anything I can do to not lose my mind?"
And so I was like, "Hey, Dad, my team and I were just looking at these plasma exchanges, which they're showing early interest in like cognitive decline. If you want to do this with me, I'm happy to give you a liter of my plasma." And so my son overheard the conversation. He's like, I'm in. Great. We'll make it a family affair. So you give me your plasma. I'll give Dad my plasma. AirDropping each other blood. AirDropping it. So we did it. Wow.
And did you feel different? I didn't. But not surprising, my biomarkers are about the same as my 18-year-old's. Like if you look at his blood panel and my blood panel, they're almost identical. Whereas the difference between my dad and me is very big. He's 71. And so after this transfusion, his speed of aging lessened by 25 years. Oh, nice. It was a dramatic effect. Wow. What a gift. Yeah. I would hold that over my dad's head forever.
Which leads us to we have your results from your HS. So this is so exciting for me to share with you because I remember. Oh, I love this. Yeah. Oh god, I think I just pulled something. Looks great. Thank you. All right. Cool. So let's do this. All right, speaking of lab results, this is fun. I've never like had a scorecard like revealing results. This is good. I'm the new youngest man in the world, Bryan.
All right, first, skin age. Your biological age came out to be age 35. Not good. Us whites don't age well. The goal is to reverse your skin age by four years. Okay. How do I do that? Sunscreen. Yeah. So, the sun is good for you, like you know it's good for mood and for vitamin D and health. Also the sun is not free. Anytime you're in the sun you're incurring skin damage, so it's a trade-off and so you want to find the right balance. So if you wear sunscreen but you sit in the sun you still get vitamin D but you don't get the harsh stuff. Yeah. So I'm in the sun in the early mornings and the late afternoons but not when the UV index is high. So that's one.
All right, next one, spirometry. This is your lung. You are in the 99th percentile. Good job. Great. So that means only 1% of people are better than you. So good job on that. So what age would my lungs be? So the way these work is it's a percentile per age. So like 18-year-olds would have a certain range, then 20 to 30-year-olds a different range. So you're already in the highest percentile. So it's like basically age 18 lung capacity.
The AGE Reader. This is looking at advanced glycation end products, like junk in the skin. Your score was 1.6. So that is age 36.5.
Grip strength. You had 111 lbs. That's the bicep. But I'm saying you got to have good grip. Okay. Fair enough. To lift. Fair enough. The 72nd percentile. Is that good or bad? So that means you're better than 72% of people. Okay. What's your grip strength? 134. What percentile does it put you in? 99th. All right, we'll go ahead and move on. So if you increase your grip strength by 15.8 pounds, you would be in the 99th percentile of men. All men. So you can do this. How do I get stronger grip strength? Working out. Gotcha. Yep.
Sit and reach. Your score was 10 inches. So that puts you in the 15th percentile. So that means 85% of people are better. I'm calling BS on that. Take me to the Midwest right now and let me see anybody stretch more than 3 in. So if you increase by 13 in to get to 23, you'd be in the 99th percentile of men.
One leg stand, this is 14 seconds. This is in the 1st percentile. So 99% are better. That's absolutely... Okay, because when I did it down there, you said that's good. That's right. So you're gaslighting me, Bryan. What's your score? Two minutes. But I mean, your criticism is taken, is received. So... Oh, I see what you're doing. Like we accept it. This is based upon a study that had a published data set. So, but like your point, maybe I want to see these scientists stand on one foot.
Yeah. To give you an idea, 19 to 34 seconds is the range. Oh, had you guys told me that, I would have just done that. I got bored after 14 seconds. Yeah. Yeah. I would have just done it. Like that's how close I was to being in the 99th percentile. Easy. Yeah. Okay, cool. I'll do it right now. Okay. And then sit to stand. You got 10 out of 10. Already a perfect score. So, yeah. There you go. Thank you so much. Yeah. And so now what do I do? I walk into an Equinox and just say you know what to do and give them this.
So combining this all together, I'm 31, but on paper, what would you say after looking at this? Biologically, you're a bit older than your chronological age in your skin health and like a few of the markers, but in others like your... My lungs. Yeah, your lungs. So this is the thing. This is why age is complicated and this is what we're talking about, is like when you look at your whole body, all 70 organs plus your physical capacity, you realize like your body ages at different speeds, right? Your brain is different than your lungs. Lung is different than your balance. And so by doing these measurements, it really helps you figure out like where to focus. And it really makes it real, like what good health is. Wow. Because you can test it now. It's just not a number.
Yeah. So now you can put on your dating profile top 99th percentile for lung strength. Yeah, that's badass. That's awesome. And it makes sense. You're a comedian. Like, yeah, I talk a lot.
The takeaway today is I hope that you have a new perspective on what I guess your relationship to health is. Yeah. And it's very counterintuitive because our culture prioritizes ambition as the number one thing and then ambition pushes out health, right? Like we do things that cost health in life, like we don't sleep as much or we maybe are unhealthy because we are ambitious and we want status and wealth and power and accomplishment. Yeah. So health is like a different way of understanding our lives. But definitely makes sense. We can still be all those things and pursue those things and we'll be better at those things if we make health our top priority, and understanding it through numbers is like the best way to do it. But now you have a stable grounding of like where you're at biologically to start. You can make progress from there. Great.
What do you think of the conversation today and doing all this stuff? I feel good. I learned, I feel younger mentally. I'm just excited to implement better sleep in ways and just seeing how everything is structured, even from the window tint. Well, thanks for hanging out today, man. This was a lot of fun. I appreciate you being here. I know it's a thing to drive somewhere and do it. So, I appreciate you being here. Thank you.
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