The Five Compliments Men Say They Never Forget, According to Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey opens with a simple claim: the right compliment at the right moment is one of the most powerful ways to build attraction. Unlike most dating strategies, compliments don't require waiting for someone else to notice you. You control them. Hussey argues this matters more now, when phone addiction has weakened people's social skills and fewer people are willing to approach someone in real life. A compliment, in this view, lets you close the distance to another person and build attraction in the same move. The video sets out to explain why compliments work, why they land especially hard with men, and which five compliments men themselves said affected them most.
How Compliments Fit the "Attraction Formula"
To explain why compliments work, Hussey returns to a framework he says he has used for more than a decade, which he calls the attraction formula. It has four parts to deep and lasting attraction: chemistry, perceived value, perceived challenge, and connection. He doesn't cover all four here. Instead he explains how compliments feed three of them.
The first is chemistry. Hussey asks viewers to notice what happens after someone says something nice about them, or after they learn someone likes them or thinks highly of them. From then on, that person registers differently when they walk into a room. They seem to "show up more brightly" because they have noticed you. Giving a compliment, he argues, puts you on the other person's radar in the same way. In his view, chemistry can actually come from finding out that someone thinks something positive about us.
The second is connection. When a compliment makes someone feel genuinely seen, Hussey says it creates deep connection. He calls this the thread running through the rest of the video: the best compliments make people feel you see them in a way other people don't.
The third is perceived value. When people feel you recognize their worth, especially a deeper worth they aren't usually recognized for, Hussey says you become special to them.
Why Compliments Hit Men So Hard
Before the list, Hussey addresses why compliments matter so much to men in particular. His answer is that the average man rarely gets them. He cites comments from men describing times they were complimented, where a common theme is that "it's not the words, it's that she noticed." One man wrote that he can remember every genuine compliment he has ever received from a woman, and that there have been only about five. Hussey offers this as evidence of how rare compliments are for many men.
He says comments from women support the same picture. One woman described telling a male coworker he had great leadership energy. The coworker teared up and said no one had ever told him that before.
Hussey then takes on what he calls one of the most common misconceptions about men: that looks are all that matter to them. He grants that this is true of "a certain brand of man." But he argues that a huge number of men value something more: feeling seen, feeling special, and feeling accepted. According to Hussey, when men do feel these things, the experience can leave an indelible mark.
The Male Desire to Be Seen, and the Rise of Men's Content
Hussey widens the argument. He believes the male urge to feel needed, wanted, and appreciated is currently undervalued. He offers his own reading of the recent explosion in male-focused influencers, podcasts, YouTube channels, and men's groups: it is partly driven by this unmet need. He sees several strands in that content:
- voices teaching men to be resilient and disciplined
- spaces where men can voice their innermost thoughts without being judged
- voices blending emotional intelligence with traditional masculinity
In Hussey's interpretation, all of these speak to one of two desires. Men either want to learn what they can do to become worthy of love, or they want to be understood and accepted for who they already are and what they are dealing with.
He connects this to something he says he has heard from women throughout his career: "Where are the men who are doing the work?" His reply is that millions of men are doing it, but women don't see it because men's work rarely looks like women's work. What interests him is why men are doing this work at all. He notes that society talks a great deal about women feeling invisible, especially as they age. There is less talk, he says, about how invisible and unseen men can feel, or how much they worry about measuring up to other men or to what they think women want. His summary is that men may not be good at being vulnerable, but they feel more vulnerable than ever.
Where the List Comes From
The five compliments come from what Hussey describes as aggregated data from several AskMen, AskWomen, and relationship threads on Reddit, spanning thousands of comments. He presents them ranked by emotional impact, as the compliments men consistently said meant the most to them and stayed with them.
Hussey also adds a caveat. Thousands of men vouch for these compliments, but that doesn't mean each one suits every situation or every stage of dating.
#1: "You Make Me Feel Safe"
The top compliment was "You make me feel safe." Hussey finds this result especially interesting because of his own history with it. According to a colleague named David, the most-viewed video on Hussey's YouTube channel, with over 21 million views, is an early video about compliments from years ago. In that video Hussey named "you make me feel safe" as one of the greatest compliments a woman can give a man. He plays a clip of his younger self saying that telling a man "I feel so safe whenever I'm around you" makes him feel like Superman.
Hussey offers two possible readings, without choosing between them. Either he was more right than he knew at the time, or that video was influential enough that many men have since received this compliment and now name it as their favorite.
As for why it works, Hussey says it speaks to basic male instincts to protect and provide. He stresses that this is about providing emotional safety, not dominance. It comes through a kind of gentleness and a strength the woman can feel. The compliment does two things at once: it makes a man feel strong, and it tells him he is having a positive effect on her.
#2: "I Really Respect How You Handled That"
The second compliment speaks to a man's sense of character. Hussey reads it as saying, "I noticed your integrity in action." It affirms competence, judgment, and emotional maturity. These are qualities men often define themselves by, he says, but rarely get credit for.
His explanation is that respect is "like oxygen" for many men. The kind that matters is genuine respect, which he describes as "not deferential but discerning." That kind of respect can make a man feel seen as capable and honorable.
#3: "You Have Such a Calming or Grounding Energy"
The third compliment, Hussey says, validates a man for being rather than doing. It tells him his presence is powerful to her, that he changes a room just by being in it. He quotes one man: "When a woman told me my energy made her feel calm, I felt seen in a way I never had. It wasn't about how I looked or what I did, it was about who I was."
Hussey's point is that men are used to being noticed when they perform or produce results. This compliment tells them they matter even when they aren't performing.
#4: "You're Really Thoughtful"
The fourth compliment recognizes a man's attention to her needs, his empathy, and the small things he does without being asked. Hussey expects this one to be hard for many women to hear. He imagines the reaction as a wish that more men were thoughtful, from women who are dealing with men who are the opposite.
He says he understands that reaction and is not suggesting anyone give this compliment when it hasn't been earned. He stresses that sincerity is essential for all of these compliments. But for men who really do these things, he argues, being noticed and appreciated for them is "like water in a desert," because they are used to doing things without anyone noticing.
#5: "I Love the Way You Think"
After a brief staged joke in which a fake "number five" is read from David's notebook, Hussey gives the real fifth compliment: "I love the way you think." He says he relates to it personally. Whenever his partner Audrey has said something like this to him, it has meant a great deal. He describes it as the feeling of being admired for how you see things, connect ideas, or express yourself, the sense of someone telling you, "Your perspective fascinates me." He believes many men share that feeling.
Closing Questions
Hussey ends with questions for viewers rather than a firm conclusion. He asks men which of the five would be their favorite and what the best compliment they've ever received was. He asks women to share a compliment they gave someone that meant the world to that person and that wasn't covered in the video.
The right compliment at the right time is one of the most powerful ways to build attraction. And the best thing about compliments is that you are in control of them. They don't involve you waiting around for somebody else to notice you. Compliments are the opposite. And in a world where our social muscles have atrophied through phone addiction and far less people are willing to be brave about approaching someone in real life, it's nice to have a tool in your belt that enables you to both bridge the gap between you and another person and build attraction at the same time.
In this video, I'm going to talk about why compliments work, why they are especially powerful when they're used with men, and the five compliments that thousands of men revealed had the biggest impact on them, the ones they couldn't forget.
So, what is it about compliments and how do they relate to attraction? Let me explain very briefly a formula I have been talking about for over a decade, the attraction formula. There are four parts to deep and lasting attraction: chemistry, perceived value, perceived challenge, and connection. Now, I don't have time to go into all of these, but I want to explain how compliments relate to three of the parts of the attraction formula. The first one, chemistry.
Have you ever noticed that when someone says something nice about you or that you know someone likes you in some way or thinks highly of you, when they step into a room from that point forward, they're on your radar in a different way? It's like they show up more brightly when they walk into a room because they've noticed you. So, when we give a compliment to somebody else, we're putting ourselves on their radar in a way that makes us shine more brightly to them. Chemistry can actually arise out of discovering someone thinks something positive about us.
Compliments also create connection. When we compliment someone in a way that makes them feel genuinely seen, that creates deep connection. So, we're going to talk about this. The best compliments really make people feel like you see them in a way that other people don't.
And the third part of the attraction formula that compliments relate to is perceived value. When people feel seen by us and they feel their worth, their value is recognized by us, especially when it's the deeper value they have that they're not usually seen for, you become special to them.
Now, before we get into the five compliments that men said were unforgettable to them, why is it that compliments have such an impact on men in particular? Because the average man isn't used to getting them. When you read comments from men talking about the times they were complimented, they'll often say something like, "It's not the words, it's that she noticed." One guy said, "I can remember every genuine compliment I have ever gotten from a woman. There's only about five." That's how rare it is for so many men. And the comments from women back this up. One woman said, "My male coworker teared up when I said he had great leadership energy. He said no one has ever said that to him."
One of the most common misconceptions about men is the idea that looks are all that matter to them. Now, that's going to be true of a certain brand of man, don't get me wrong, but there's a huge number of men who value something even greater, and that is feeling seen, feeling special, and feeling accepted. In fact, they value it so much that when they feel these things, it can leave an indelible mark on them.
I think what's undervalued right now is the male urge to feel needed, wanted, and appreciated. And the ironic thing is I think this is partly responsible for fueling an explosion in male influencer podcasts, YouTube channels, and men's groups. Whether it's voices showing men how to be resilient and disciplined, creating a space where they feel unjudged for the innermost thoughts that they didn't think they could voice out loud, or it's those who are blending emotional intelligence with traditional masculinity. All of these voices speak to either the male desire to learn what they can do to become worthy of love or a desire to be understood and accepted for who they already are and what they're dealing with.
I have spent a career hearing women say to me, "Where are the men who are doing the work?" And I tell them there are millions of them, but you're not seeing it because the work they're doing rarely looks like the kind of work that you're doing. What's interesting to me about all of this is understanding why men are doing all of this work in the first place. While there's a lot of messaging in society about women feeling invisible, especially as they get older, there's less talk about how invisible and unseen men can feel, how much they worry they don't match up to other men or to what they believe women want from men in general. Men may not be great at being vulnerable, but in truth, they feel more vulnerable than they ever have.
Okay, so what did men say when asked, "What are the compliments that meant the most to you, the ones you couldn't forget?" We have aggregated data from several AskMen, AskWomen, and relationship threads on Reddit spanning thousands of comments, and here is what consistently emerges as the top five compliments that men say mean the most to them, ranked by emotional impact.
The first and most impactful compliment that men said they received is, "You make me feel safe." This one is so interesting to me because I have some very, very viral videos when it comes to compliments. David pointed out recently that the number one video on our YouTube channel, which has over 21 million views, is a video on compliments. And this was early. This is going back years. And I said one of the greatest compliments you can give a guy is, "You make me feel safe." In fact, just find young me saying this.
You say to a man, "I feel so safe whenever I'm around you." Just saying that to a guy makes him feel like Superman.
This leads me to believe that either I was more right than I even knew when I said this or that that video was so impactful that it has actually influenced how many men have received that compliment and are therefore saying it's the favorite compliment that they get now. Why is this compliment so powerful? Because it speaks to some very basic male instincts, the desire to protect and provide through emotional safety, not through dominance, but through a kind of gentleness and a strength that you are feeling. So, it both makes him feel strong and like he's having a really positive impact on you at the same time.
By the way, these compliments have been vouched for by thousands of men. But that doesn't mean they're right for your situation or the stage of dating you're at right now. If you want to get my tailored advice for what you're going through specifically right now, I have something I'd love for you to try today. I currently have a Black Friday offer on Matthew AI, which is my tool where you can call or text my brain anytime you want and get an answer to your specific love life challenge. You can use it to find out what someone's behavior means, what to say next, what to do next in any situation.
And as part of Black Friday until December the 3rd, I am giving you two whole weeks for free, unlimited, to use Matthew AI. So, if you haven't tried it yet or if you've been wanting to sign up, now is the time. Again, that offer is only available until December the 3rd. Go get it at askmh.com. I can't wait to hear your story of how you use Matthew AI and how it helps you.
The second compliment men said was, "I really respect how you handled that." Now, this one hits at a man's sense of character. It says, "I noticed your integrity in action." It affirms competence, judgment, emotional maturity, qualities that men often define themselves by but rarely get credit for. Why is this compliment so powerful? Because respect is like oxygen for so many men. When it's genuine respect, not deferential but discerning, it can make a guy feel seen as capable and honorable.
The third compliment that men said meant the most to them was, "You have such a calming or grounding energy." This validates men being, not doing. It shows him that his presence is powerful for you. He changes the room just by being in it. One guy said, "When a woman told me my energy made her feel calm, I felt seen in a way I never had. It wasn't about how I looked or what I did, it was about who I was." Men are used to getting noticed when they perform or when they get results, but this compliment says, "You matter even when you're not performing."
Fourth compliment that men said meant the world to them, "You're really thoughtful." His attention to your needs, his empathy, the little things he does without being asked. I know that this is a difficult one for a lot of women to hear because you're like, "I wish there were more guys who were thoughtful. I'm dealing with guys who are the complete opposite." I totally understand that and I'm not suggesting that you give this compliment in situations where it's unearned. There is such an importance to the sincerity of these compliments. But for guys who actually do these things, showing that you see them for the things they do and making them feel appreciated, that is like water in a desert to guys who are used to doing things and them not being noticed.
The fifth compliment thousands of guys said meant the most to them: "Wow. You really are incredible with that lightsaber, aren't you?" Wait a minute. David, this is your notebook.
Oh, and you don't think that that's right? Okay, well, one guy for sure found that to be the most powerful compliment they'd ever received.
Really? Just one guy?
Okay, the real number five that thousands of men said is, "I love the way you think." I relate to this one. Anytime Audrey has said something like this to me, it has always meant so much. That feeling of being admired for the way that I see things or connect ideas or express myself, and I think so many men can relate to that. That idea of someone saying to you, "Your perspective fascinates me." So, yes, gentlemen, I concur.
If you're a guy here, let me know in the comments which of these five would be your favorite. Let us know what's your favorite compliment you've ever received. And if you're a woman in the comments, what is a compliment you've given someone that meant the world to them that I haven't mentioned in this video? Let me know and do not forget before you go to pick up your Black Friday offer of Matthew AI. Remember, two free weeks unlimited only until December the 3rd. Go to askmh.com to get that offer. I'll see you next time.
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